This Week's Horoscope

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Scientists in Israel are developing a new breed of featherless chicken that they hope will grow more quickly, suffer less from heat and won't need to be plucked after slaughtering. Although their "improvements" disgust me, I won't deny that if they're successful they'll probably make a fortune. Similarly, the innovations you're considering might be distasteful to most people (maybe even to you) but that doesn't mean they won't be lucrative, on whatever level. Only you can decide whether you're willing to give up some age-old ideas (like, chickens have feathers) in order to achieve the advances you want.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

A key indicator of Cancerian power is how good you are with plants. A Crab who's mastered the nurturing facet of his powers will usually have a lush, riotous garden resplendent with blooms and vegetables. He'll be alert to the subtlest of cues; you won't spot drooping flower heads or brown-tinged leaves there. How's your garden doing? Your emotional life is probably reflected in it (if you don't even have a small leafy plot, that's telling, too). If it's not as richly fertile and flourishing as you'd like, that's because you're not paying close enough attention. You know how to make a seed (be it a sunflower or a friendship) grow; if it doesn't become something big and beautiful, it's because you don't want it to.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

When I watch a movie or tv show, the first thing I notice, before the acting, the art direction or the plot?is the writing. To me, all those things merely support, undercut or compensate for the story they're telling. That's why I can't understand the undue attention you're giving all the peripherals. This week, boil it down for me. Forget the props, the costumes and the camera angles. What's the story, when it comes right down to it? Once you've subtracted all the glitter and pizzazz, is that really the tale you want your life to be telling? Spend this week editing, or hiring new writers?I guarantee your ratings will go up as a result.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Virgo Macy Gray sings, "Give me all your lovin', or I will kill you." While there's no actual need to resort to violence, you might take your cue from her; forcefully declaring your needs will yield far more satisfying results than politely hinting at them. She goes on to say: "It's amazing what a gun to the head can do?" Luckily, getting what you want won't require threats or weapons, just strong, clear statements. This week, sharpen your communication skills, not your knives, and instead of a revolver, whip out your most tactless brand of honesty.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The scales that are Libra's symbol don't stand for justice, or fairness, although they're often interpreted that way. Even though your acute desire to beget harmony frequently causes you to take on the role of diplomat or arbiter, the scales actually symbolize, circuitously, your adaptability. You have the power to see what any given situation lacks, and fill that niche yourself. That's why Librans often avoid people who inhabit extremes?what they require of you is too intense. But that doesn't mean you have to surround yourself with boring, completely domesticated bores; they'd only cast you in the most tedious of roles. Don't become a wallflower among wallflowers?I can't imagine a worse fate. This week, seek out the wild, exciting animals who will bring out your rowdiest and most outrageous sides.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The deep-sea anglerfish has evolved to address the challenge of finding a mate in the lightless depths where it makes its home. Only the female is equipped to hunt (flashing her bioluminescent lure to attract prey). The male, once he finds her, simply attaches himself with his specialized mouth (which is useless for feeding any other way) and is nourished directly through her bloodstream. He's set for life, and she's provided with a constant fresh supply of sperm whenever she needs it. Couldn't something similar work for you? Although you may not currently need what's being offered, you can certainly anticipate requiring it. At least consider the possibility that reeling in this fish now and keeping it around may be simpler than finding it again when you're ready for it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Right now, you're like a cellphone intercepting three different conversations. Tracking the relevant one may be an impossible task, and there's not much point to paying attention to idle girl-gossip or an argument in Spanish when they intrude on your dialogue. The best thing to do may be to hang up the metaphorical phone and take your voice out of the airwaves for a while. There's plenty to do on the home front, and since this month your brain has a limited number of long-distance minutes, you're better off saving them for when you can effectively use them.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

With the sun and your ruling planet, Saturn, conspiring in the crafty sign of Gemini, along with the new moon, you could be privy to intrigues worthy of the Borgia family of Renaissance Europe (minus some of the glamour and pomp). What to do with (temporary) power worthy of "the first crime family"? Popehood (the Borgias managed to get a couple of their own into the papal seat, at least once buying it outright) may be out of your reach, but not much else is. Quick, grab a copy of Machiavelli's The Prince (allegedly based on Cesare Borgia) and start plotting. Deviousness, in this case, will get you everywhere.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

With a few exceptions, summer movies suck. This is because smart marketers realize that the appeal of sitting in a dark, air-conditioned room increases exponentially with the outdoor temperature. Thus, it doesn't take much to pack the seats?why waste a high-quality flick when a lousy one will work just as well? Springing a Spider-Man in mid-July would be overkill; better to save that kind of show for a more competitive season. Similarly, the actions you're contemplating could be considered heavy-handed. Don't overdo it. Save your power moves for when you really need them and put them on ice for now, when a light touch will do.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

I apologize for forgetting the Piscean constitution. Once again, I underestimated your powerful ability to let go of things; for some of you, it's what you do best. Hence my recent suggestions that you disregard the handful of unattainables that vex you actually had the opposite of its intended effect. You'd already had the wisdom and grace to release any clingy thoughts that might have held you back. My proposed strategy only served to remind you of that one exasperating thing. So, I'm sorry. I promise not to tinker with your cerebral mechanics without good reason. And thank you for your wise rejoinder, which I've taken to heart: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your namesake, the Greek god of war, Ares, is reveling in all the potential chaos that's brewing worldwide, especially in places like Israel, Palestine, India and Pakistan. That ain't good, especially when there are nuclear warheads involved. Do us all a favor, would you? Extend some psychic feelers through the tangled psychic underbelly of the world and communicate inwardly (and outwardly), channeling your most Gandhian impulses. Then bring your actions in line with those thoughts, and do what you can, on every level to?for lack of a more apt phrase?increase the peace. It may not help those far-off conflicts when you refrain from blowing up at the clumsy grocery store bagboy, but it sure couldn't hurt.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Kiki (of the legendary performance duo Kiki and Herb) knows how to push our buttons. "Ladies and gentlemen," she said, "thank you for joining us on the very last Thursday, ever." Nervous uproarious laughter ensued. How else should her fellow New Yorkers respond to wave after wave of dire terror warnings? If it's The Last Week, why not live it with unabashed humor and hilarious grace? We all know?especially you?that life is unbelievably fucked up. The better you get at laughing at that fact, the better off we'll all be.