This week's horoscope.

You're a human laser beam. Leos shine, Libras glow, Geminis sparkle. Those Aries burn hot and magnesium-bright. But when you decide to turn on your radiance, it's fierce, dangerous and concentrated, like a laser. Be careful where you point it this week, because all eyes will be turned in your direction. It's all fun and games until someone loses a retina. Your thorny task: Find the one person with the emotional equivalent of ruby quartz goggles; in other words, someone who can take the full force of your undivided attention and not even break a sweat.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

There are times when you long to lose yourself in the anonymity of a crowd, to recreate yourself a dozen times a day with hundreds of different strangers. And there are times when you crave the comfortable familiarity of old friends, where nothing needs to be explained; speaking at all isn't entirely necessary. This week, you may have trouble deciding which?if either?of those you want. However, keep in mind the tired saw: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Before you attempt to shock your trusted companions to the core, or chum up to new acquaintances as if you've known them half your life, consider a third option: keeping to yourself for a while. If you don't, you may open doors you'll wish you'd kept closed.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your week may be uncannily sci-fi, a la Matrix or eXistenZ. Which level of reality you're currently operating on will be less clear than it has in a long time, as you experience lucid dreams and a surreal waking life. Meanwhile, you'll also have trouble trying to decipher double-entendres in conversations, or reveal subtext in the actions of those you're interested in. At some point, you'll have to throw up your hands and give up on trying to pare back the layers and just go with what is, without a lot of complicated and confusing interpretation. You're not being shallow by only paying attention to the surface of things?you're avoiding the fatal over-thinking that's your only other option.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This week presents you with a ray of real hope. You've persisted under chronically overcast skies for weeks now, never sure if your main endeavor has any chance at all?no matter how remote?of actually succeeding. Well, it does, and on the 22nd and 23rd you should get at least a couple of very real clues about your odds. Don't get too excited. It's not a lock. You don't have this one in the bag. But so what? You have a chance, a real one?and that's more than you had last week. Now all that's left is for you to go for it.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You had to leave your boots, pants and lucky underwear behind, sucked down by the mucky mire of your last four weeks, but you've finally slogged out of that swampy landscape onto slightly firmer ground?albeit more than half-naked and still surrounded by the dangerous fens you blithely walked into during the summer. Although you entered the quagmire obliviously, without even noticing, it's going to take all your mental acuity, concentration and determination to navigate your way out without getting chomped by an alligator, bitten by a snake or consumed by quickmud. Don't relax, Pisces. You're only out of danger when your eyes are open and you're paying attention to every step you take.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

This is the last good week this year for a long-neglected thorough cleaning of your house and life. I know most people do this kind of thing in the spring, but you're too busy during that season. When t-shirt weather hits, you want to run around and enjoy it, not stay inside deciding which clothes you'll donate to goodwill. But meanwhile, a ton of useless detritus piles up, both inside your closet and your soul. You've got to get rid of it sometime. It's a tedious task whenever you tackle it, but it's likely to be slightly easier and less annoying this week, so why not get it out of the way?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

I wish I knew the secret of your seduction, Taurus. I've only ever managed to romantically interest those of your tribe purely by accident. I still don't know what I did right. Like me, many people are wondering what the trick is. Oh, you had no idea you had all these admirers? Perhaps you shouldn't be guarding your personal information quite so zealously. It's costing you romance, fun, and even friendship that I think you'd be mostly better off with than without. Clue me in and I'll pass the information along to those who need it, before they completely lose interest, or hope.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Cloned animals are usually flawed, and if they manage to get born at all, their lifespans are short. Your copied attitudes and philosophies are similarly weak and ephemeral right now. Don't simply take someone's word for something and adopt it as your new belief. In general, it's good to learn from others' mistakes, so you don't have to make them yourself. Nevertheless, this week having your own experiences and making your own judgments (and, yes, faux pas) is far more important. In other words, come to your ideas and attitudes completely authentically and single-handedly, or just don't go there at all, lest the bubble of your convictions bursts as easily as the heart of a cloned pig.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Women with female support during the birth process require less pain relief and are less likely to have forceps deliveries or cesareans than those who lack the encouragement and assistance of other women. This makes perfect sense to me. What's some guy going to be able to say or do more credibly or supportively than a mother who's been through it? You may not be experiencing childbirth this week, but you'll similarly survive and even flourish under your current stresses if you share them with someone who's been through something similar. Find a kindred spirit. Even though you may initially bond on the basis of your pain or confusion, you'll probably discover that your commonalities extend to places far beyond that, like hilarious fun, comforting affection or lusty sex.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Recent studies have found that housecats can infect their human owners with a parasite that changes their personalities. Toxoplasma gondii tends to make women more vivacious (and promiscuous), while men infected with it generally become anti-social, scruffy and aggressive. While your infectiousness is less literal, your ability to bring out the sex kitten or alley cat in those you know has reached impressive heights this week. Be careful which internal Pandora's boxes you open in your friends, because you don't want next week's horrified mantra to be: "I've created a monster."

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The bad news is, you're not going to be much more productive, effective or efficient this week than you have been the last couple. I know that frustrates you. But at least you'll be able to relieve another kind of frustration, which brings me to the good news: Your bed is suddenly a hotbed of pleasurable activity. Although the results you achieve there may not be quantifiably measurable, spending hours in the sack is most assuredly not a waste of time. Lay down, as soon as humanly possible, by yourself, or with a friend or two. Almost anything you can accomplish between the sheets?be it sleeping, dreaming, pillow talk or fucking?will rock, even if the rest of your life is a little lame.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You're luminous, just in a slightly fucked-up way. That is, the parts of you that are glowing and attracting attention aren't necessarily the ones you were hoping to light up and shine. It's frustrating, isn't it, to be waving your arms and begging people to notice your new hair color, attitude or underwear, and all they focus on is your scuffed shoes, dog or new laugh line or crow's-foot. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do this week about what people notice and what they don't. So what are you going to do with your Day-Glo ass? Work it. Be a goddamn firefly.

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