This week's Horoscope.
Last year, your friends voted you Most Likely to Turn Down a Good Thing. Luckily, you've finally managed to put your most suspicious and self-limiting tendencies behind you and allow yourself a greater measure of happiness. Good! You deserve it. Please, when this week presents you with a package that just seems too good to be true, quell those old doubts urging you to refuse it. Yes, it might look better than it actually is, but so what? Your minor disappointment with its few flaws will hardly compare with your excitement when you discover that it's mostly real. Accept the bounty coming your way. It's not too good to be true; it's just good enough.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
That woozy butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach is there for a reason. You're next in line for the biggest, baddest ride in the amusement park. It's taken you months to even brave the queue, which stretches for blocks, and you've chickened out two or three times before. Only this time you're determined to go through with it. There's absolutely no one between you and the next available car, only a long line of leering partiers to face should you wimp out again. You have the right to be nervous; just don't let your anxiety get the best of you. In mere moments you'll be strapped in and on your way, with nothing left to do but throw your hands up and scream in giddy, terrified delight.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Your body knows better than your brain when you need a break. Getting sick can be a signal from your subconscious mind to your sometimes less-than-astute consciousness that you need to slow down, finally. Listen to that, before it gets so bad that you have no other choice. You're smart enough to not let things get that extreme, aren't you? Take the time this week to loaf around on your couch eating chicken soup and taking lots of naps, so that when the wildness of next week's Scorpio full moon rolls around, you'll be more than ready for it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
Eliminate envy from your emotional vocabulary this week. If you've been paying attention, you've probably noticed that, duh, nothing lasts forever. Even people really on top of their games fail, eventually. If you're lost, you'll find your way again, as long as you have faith and perseverance. So you're surrounded by people who are solidly on their paths. Good for them. Trying to knock them off course with your jealousy won't help you discover your own route to victory. No one likes to see a Leo fail; it's too heartbreaking. Trust that everyone's pulling for you, regardless of their place in life, and root for them too. It's a win-win, if you let it be.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
My crystal ball reveals three prominent figures in your week: a circus barker, a court jester and a cheap prostitute. The carnival caller might speak in great detail about how to live your life, but he's the one you should least listen to on this subject. The joker might proffer a lesson on how to be funny and popular, but heeding his advice would lead to more tragedy than comedy. The whore's dying to tell you about the ins and outs of love and lust, but please, close your ears. Astonishingly, the barker has the most to teach you about romance and innocence, the hooker holds the key to hilarity and the fool possesses the best wisdom on how to live your life happily. In most cases this week, on any subject, heed whoever gives you the least advice, most quietly.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Don't just observe; participate. Although this week will be rife with Kodak moments, hiding behind a camera will only separate you from their intensity and joy. Be present, and don't let anything come between you and your experience. Let the vividness and power of your life right now etch itself into your brain. Save your film for all the inevitable mediocre times we all have to slog through; you can romanticize them later. Since this week's events will be fully engaging, just enter each perfect minute as fully as possible. Do that, and you won't need pictures or videotape; your memory will be more than enough.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You're supposed to be the zodiac's most sexed-up sign. So what is this? A dry spell? You say you're consciously choosing this emotional abstinence, but I suspect the source of your decision lies in fear and remorse. Many Scorpios experience pangs of guilt for their tough-love style. Is that why you've backed off from real intimacy?for fear of dishing out more hurt? Come on. You're wiser than that. You can't protect the world from yourself forever, only do your best to not intentionally do harm. Even though you can't chop off your own stinger, you're so much better now at keeping it out of the way. If your paramours are determined to run themselves through with it in spite of your best efforts, that's really not your fault.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Re-enter the fray. Your inner coach benched you for a week or two there, to give you a chance to recover from a couple hard knocks and a bad play or two. Now it's time to live up to your reputation as the team's star player. Shake off recent mistakes, put on your helmet and get out on the field. Your worst fears won't be realized. People are willing to look at the long view of you; a few screw-ups won't damage their trust. Get out there! I promise; you'll be passed the ball first thing, and from there, you know exactly what to do.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Most of your unluck in love is self-administered. You're just not usually a casual dater. Either you let someone into your intense little world or they're so far out you can barely see them. So don't get down if it's been seven years since you last said, "I love you," and meant it. That just means one of the following things: You've been slightly overcautious and need to loosen up just a little, you're just waiting for something unquestionably real or most likely, a little of both. You can't exactly choose to be lucky in love, but you can decide to stop enforcing your bad luck.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Aquarians are silly. Even once you've earned your PhD, you can still appreciate a good fart joke or play unselfconsciously with your nieces and nephews. Your talent for mixing serious long-term dedication to cherished goals and ideals with giggling, horseplay, and a willingness to laugh at anything, even yourself, is at its peak. In fact, the more you can inject humor and glee into your most meaningful and significant moments, the more likely your beloved ambitions will be realized, sooner and better than you ever imagined. Laugh, you goof. You're closer than you think.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
Don't let the fear take over, especially once your ruling planet, Neptune, starts sliding backward through the sky next week. You may feel like a squishy, boneless sea creature trying to withstand a violently erosive flash flood, but I urge you to hold your ground despite all that. You have a whole week to grow a spine and some thorny roots to help hold up against external pressure to devolve and regress. Just remember?don't become too rigid or stiff; not only would that increase your likelihood of snapping and breaking instead of bending, but it will greatly inhibit the speedy forward motion you'll be capable of in less than a month.
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
Who has time for appropriateness? Certainly not you, and especially not this week, when everything will have the feel of playing basketball in your church clothes. Don't let repressive internal voices force you to go home and change; by the time you return, the game will be over. Instead, go with each moment as it comes this week, and screw convention. I hate to sound like a flaky hippie, but go with the flow. Luckily, this week the path of least resistance will also be the one that's most fun.
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