This Week's Horoscope

| 16 Feb 2015 | 04:19

    SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You've done a great job recently at keeping your stinger tucked out of sight, or at least pointed away from yourself when it must be unsheathed. That's why I'm concerned about your newest method of self-sabotage. It's something akin to placing yourself in the path of a moving train, leaving the radio on the edge of the tub or smoking while filling the gas tank. If your craving for personal tragedy is really all that strong, then by all means, continue. Otherwise, may I suggest taking a few precautions and toning down your personal death wish to a healthy sense of adventure? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Now that I've learned to snowboard well, I actually look forward to winter. I never used to. The cold months of the year are what first inspired me to move to California. Now I hope to return to the mountains of California expressly to enjoy the snow and cold I once avoided. Turnabout's fair play, especially in your case. Don't turn your nose up at something you've always disliked, simply from habit. You could be missing out on one of the greatest thrills of your life. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Let's face it?there's only so much change I can wreak in the space of one measly paragraph (two if you read your boyfriend's horoscope, too) per week. Nevertheless, I very much enjoy being the silly raven on the windowsill of your life, cawing my little messages into your existence. Some of them just blow back in my face, but every so often one of them flutters down to the floor of your soul like a sleek black feather and reminds you to get just that little bit more out of your life. This week, I lead by example: Appreciate the impact you have on others, however great or small?the ripples of your actions are spreading farther than you ever imagined. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Could it be you've been so busy bringing clear, refreshing, potable water to all you love that you forgot to drink some yourself? Your soul should be more summer peach. We should have juice dripping down our elbows with every taste of you. Instead, it's more like a sundried tomato. Not as appealing, huh? It's okay, you have until Halloween to get all juiced up again, just in time for your next big squeeze. So, all that love, attention and excitement you've been pouring all over everyone? Pour yourself a tall glass and drink deep, baby. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You're like one of those little wheeled cars that's equipped with a spring mechanism to make it go. You wind the spring by rolling the toy backwards, until you're ready to release it. You've been winding your spring for five months. In your preparations for your fantastic, lightspeed charge into winter, don't forget to clear a path for yourself in all the clutter. Choose your direction carefully, beautiful?once you attain that kind of momentum, it takes quite a while to slow down and change direction. Stand by for warp drive, captain. ARIES (March 21-April 19) There's lots of math in nature. Just look at pinecones, seashells, even patterns in the sand made by changing tides. It's human constructions that are fraught with chaos, despite their rigid attempts at order and control. Living in a city makes it obvious?despite all the straight lines, right angles and flat surfaces, it's actually a very disordered place. Lately your head has seemed a little too much like a skyscraper, and not enough like a tree. Instead of forcing thoughts to spike toward the sky like a spear or a missile, can you allow them to grow gracefully toward it, making an allowance for some of the forces that surround you? TAURUS (April 20-May 20) I admire your strength. It's almost a shame to tell you that the world you're hefting around on your eminently capable shoulders has an orbit of its own and doesn't actually need carrying. That's right?this huge burden that's been exhausting you and slowing your steps to a weary stagger isn't actually yours. It doesn't even belong to someone else?it's the kind of weight you can just let go of. So what are you waiting for? Just drop the thing and get the hell out of the way. Then go get ice cream or something. You deserve it. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Don't give even an inch to fear, darling. I know you're not the kind of person who listens to those self-empowerment tapes. (Nor am I?they crack me up.) But in this case, I'm going to be that cheesy voice in your head that you'll hear next time you attempt one of these complicated, multileveled tasks you're infamous for. The moment you feel like you're in over your head, that the tsunami you're surfing is indeed too big for you, remember this: You're exactly as powerful as you want to be. CANCER (June 21-July 22) Another month, another new moon. Do you realize how lucky you are, Cancer? Don't be exhausted by your constant need to start over. Better to have a thousand new beginnings than just one ending, no? The changeability you always disparage is actually your greatest asset at the moment. You've been passing on so many opportunities to reinvent yourself, even though it's obvious that some of your old patterns haven't been serving you well. It's time to begin again, Cancer, and this time try something completely new. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22 It's all going to be okay. I've noticed that as long as you hear this periodically, things really are okay. Naturally, it doesn't hurt to be reminded how fabulous you are, either. It doesn't matter if the praise or sentiment is sincere. It's true as soon as you decide it is. That's why I'm thrilled to share with you the truth about your current situation. You are exactly where you're supposed to be. You're also way cooler than you think you are, even when you act dorky or do stupid shit. Whenever you next run face-first into a plexiglas door or trip over a fire hydrant, know this: It's all just practice for the skill that'll serve you best in the months to come: laughing at yourself. VIRGO (Aug. 22-Sept. 22) Did you ever have sleeping-bag races at slumber parties when you were a kid? Mummified in your tight tube, you'd have to hop, roll or squirm your way to the finish line. Whether or not you did well in those at the time, you're virtually an expert now. Although partially incapacitated by your situation, your ability to competitively advance yourself is greater than ever. It might even be superior simply because of the ingenious compensation you've devised to make up for any possible handicaps. The next time you curse your broken-down car, the busted gear on your bike or the wheezing, impossible elevator in your building, just remember: This is all part of the master plan to make you a better person.