WEDNESDAY 12/17 WEDNESDAY 12/17 Cabaret Elvis ...
WEDNESDAY 12/17
Cabaret
Elvis Has Entered the Building! See dead-on impersonator of the side-burned king of rock 'n roll, occasionally all jazzed up in glitter & gold; Trailer Park Lounge, 271 W. 23rd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-463-8000; 8:30 & 10, free .
Michael Feinstein Grammy-nominee enchants you w/soothing piano renditions of jazz classics; Feinstein's at the Regency, 540 Park Ave. (61st St.), 212-339-4095; 8:30, $60 & $30 min. [repeats Thurs.-Sat.].
Norman's Big Night Out Norman Gosney pres. vaudeville reminiscent of Moulin Rouge (minus Nicole Kidman)-feat. singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats, jugglers & fire workers; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 9:30, $25.
Comedy
The Big Rubinsky Laurie Kilmartin & Russ Meneve join comedy group the Fifth Dentist for evening of "short form improv"; Stand-Up New York, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-595-0850; 6:30, $8 & 2 drink min.
Comedy Therapy Maureen Marren cures you w/laughs from nationally known comics; Otto's Shrunken Head, 538 E. 14th St. (betw. Aves. A & B), 212-228-2240; 10, free .
"Jackie Beat: Blew Christmas" The Dirty Sanchez drag vocalist is back from L.A., letting us know why "the most wonderful time of the year" blows-has her electroclash hit, "Fucking On The Dance Floor," fallen out of favor?!; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 9:30, $17 [repeats Fri.-Sun. at 7].
Colin Quinn Funny man does stand-up w/Greg Giraldo, Robert Kelly, Allan Havey, Godfrey & Nick Dipoalo; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480, www.comedycellar.com; 9 & 11, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. at 9 & 11, Fri. at 9, 10:45 & 12:30 a.m., Sat. at 7:30, 9:15, 11 & 12:45 a.m.].
Joan Rivers Vulgar funny lady delivers "raunchy, politically incorrect evening" of stand-up-is there any other kind? Proceeds benefit God's Love We Deliver & Guide Dogs For the Blind; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 8, $25.
Dance
Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater Legendary Co. doing their thing through January; City Center, 131 W. 55th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-581-1212; call for times, $25-$100.
Balanchine's The Nutcracker New York City Ballet's opening night feat. holiday performances of the children's classic-who's your favorite character?; NY State Theater, 20 Lincoln Center, B'way (64th St.), 212-870-5570; 7, $20-$93 [repeats Thurs. at 6, Fri. at 8, Sat. at 2 & 8, Sun. at 1 & 5].
Savion Glover Reigning god of tap, & friends, pitter patter into your heart; Joyce Theater, 175 8th Ave. (19th St.), 212-242-0800; 8, $40 [repeats Fri. & Tues. at 8, Sat. at 2 & 8, Sun. at 2 & 7:30].
mech[a] & OUTPUT New dance & mixed media project by koosil-ja; Élan, 70 Washington St. (betw. York & Front Sts.), Dumbo, 212-375-0186; 8, $15 [repeats Thurs.-Sun.].
THURSDAY 12/18
Cabaret
Cabaret Ooh-La-La Poetry recitation, performances & singing inspired by "destinations on the other side of the Atlantic"-w/Ekayani, Helen Stratford & Christine Matovich; C-Note, 157 Ave. C (10th St.), 212-677-8142; 8.
"Hello Boys" Michael Conley sings original songs in a hilarious musical comedy examining the "life of a performer living in NYC"; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min [repeats Fri. & Sat.].
"Just in Time for Christmas" In case you haven't had your fill of Christmas songs, vocal trio Boulevard East sings holiday classics & "contemporary holiday music" w/a cabaret flair-feat. Christopher Howatt, Dana Merritt & Beth Covell; Dillons Restaurant & Bar, 245 W. 54th St. (betw. B'way & 8th Ave.), 212-307-9797; 8, $15, $10 drink min.
Little Annie pres. carols, musings & scientific anecdotes; Slipper Room, 167 Orchard St. (Stanton St.), 212-253-7246; 8, $7 [repeats Fri.& Sat.].
"The Rat Pack Review" Kevin James & Frank Bray perform hits by "ol' blue eyes" & the dashing Dean-plus comedy from Al Del Bene; Nolita Tavern, 30 Spring St. (Mott St.), 917-237-1901; 9 & 11, free .
Starshine Burlesque Master Jack Fetterman & the Meat Mistress join Dirty Martini & Eva Svensson; Cinema Classics, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-1027; 10, $5.
Topaz sings the best of Edith Piaf, Marlene Dietrich & Broadway; Elysee, 199 Prince St. (Sullivan St.), 212-598-0303; 8:30, $5.
A Very Pulpy Christmas Lesbian Pulp-O-Rama's "music & comedy-filled extravaganza" is a "naughty little package that's decidedly queer" & full of "deviant desires & forbidden lust"; HERE, 145 6th Ave. (betw. Spring & Dominick Sts.), 212-868-4444; 7:30, $12 [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 7:30 & 10:30].
Comedy
Automatic Vaudeville Weekly comedy/variety show w/Hilly & Gavin Souchet; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 10, $5.
"Christmas Spectacular!!!" Follow the "adventures of Hot Little Pieces of Ass as they discover the Christmas spirit"-w/the "dazzling trio" of Dusty, Honey & Cottontail; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; 10, $8.
Jim Florentine Stand-up comedian expects you to giggle, uproariously; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 8, $21.50 & 2 drink min.
Dance
Central Station Daria Buzovkina plus the United Dancers of ZUGA continue the Central European dance fest; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 7:30, $10-$15 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].
Chris Elam is to the Misnomer Dance theater what Jason Elam is to the Denver Broncos: an inspiring kicking machine; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; 7:30, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sat. at 7:30, Sun. at 5].
Dance in Progress The Kitchen's oldest dance program for emerging choreographers feat. Maria Hassabi, Adrienne Truscott, Chris Yon & Greg Zuccolo; Kitchen, 512 W. 19th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-255-5793; 8, $15 [repeats Fri.].
Maria Elena Anaya pres. "De Passiones Sin Returno," boasting passions & no returns; La MaMa E.T.C., 74A E. 4th St. (betw. Bowery & 2nd Ave.), 212-475-7710; 7:30, $20 [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 7:30].
FRIDAY 12/19
Cabaret
Amateur Burlesque Win $500 for taking it all off at Great American Amateur Striptease contest feat. progressive house & techno beats by DJ Moody; Webster Hall, 125 E. 11th St. (betw. 3rd & 4th Aves.), 212-353-1600; 10, $30.
The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus Winter Cabaret Eclectic troupe of vaudeville virtuosos incl. talented members from Ringling Bros. & Cirque du Soleil in their winter line-up; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 11, $15 [repeats Sat.].
Floating Vaudeville Night Von Von Von hosts naughty Christmas show feat. Adira & Quincy, Harvest Moon & Kinetic Architecture partaking in tango-trapezeing, rowdy, raunchy burlesque fun; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-782-5188; 10 p.m.-1 a.m., $5.
"Guys as Dolls" World-class impersonators make "outrageous parodies" of Barbra Streisand, Marilyn Monroe, Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton, Britney Spears, Susan Lucci, Joan Rivers, Sonny & Cher, Jennifer Lopez, Patsy Cline, Michael Jackson, and more!; Ellen's Stardust Diner, 1650 B'way (50th St.), 212-664-0256; 7, $25-$27.50 [repeats Sat. & Sun.].
Happy Hour Salon Singer-comic Joanna Parson pres. variety show feat. new stuff from singers, actors, writers & performers; Siberia, 356 W. 40th St. (9th Ave.), 212-333-4141; 6.
The Karaoke Show The Donkey Show creators bring you their rendition of The Comedy of Errors-feel free to rock the mic or grind after the show; China Club, 268 W. 47th St. (8th Ave.), 212-398-3800; 7, $35-$55 [repeats Sat.].
A Murray Hill Christmas When the weather outside is frightful, Dirty Martini, the World Famous *Bob*, the Wau-Wau Sisters & the Stiff Gimlets can warm you up; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-868-4444; 8:30, $19.95 [repeats Sat. at 8:30 & 11].
"Passion In the Manger: Tammy Faye's Christmas Crusade" Tammy Faye Starlite & the Angels of Mercy tell you all about a little town in Bethlehem, through song; Joseph Papp Public Theater, 425 Lafayette St. (Astor Pl.), 212-239-6200; 9:30, $15.
Pink Rhino Revue Acrobats, sexy chorus girls & the best talent from Broadway to bohemia, incl. Angelo Iodice (Cirque Du Soleil), Lady Ace, Miss Tickle & Miss Dita Von Teese; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 8:30, $25.
Comedy
"Bumlinger Presents" An evening of pee-in-your pants funny "comical one-acts"; Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 718-462-9316; 8, $22, $20 adv [repeats Sat.].
Gilligan's Island: the Lost Episodes Marc Adam Smith directs cast of castaways through totally unauthorized parody of the series, revealing secrets incl. how Mrs. Howell packed all her clothes for the three-hour tour; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $10, $8 adv.
Komedy Kebob Tim Brennan & Pat Rigby host live comedy in da burg-if you still dare go; Bar 107, 107 N. 6th St. (betw. Berry & Wythe Sts.), Williamsburg, 718-302-3313; 8:30, free .
3-Way Mexican Lei Try the Berkovits wit & the nachos grande. Floridian Duncan Jay & Long Islander Allegra Barnett also pres. stand-up; Maui Tacos, 330 5th Ave. (betw. 32nd & 33rd Sts.), 212-868-9720; 8, 6:30 sign-up, 1 item min.
William Stephenson hosts stand-up feat. Kurt Metzger, Ellen Cleghorn, Rick Mann, Vanessa Hollingshead & Cory Kahaney; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; www.comicstriplive.com; 8:30, 10:30 & 12.30, $17.
Dance
Cedar Lake Ensemble surprisingly has nothing to do with sleep-away camp-new moves from artistic director Jen Ballard-RSVP req.; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7:30 [repeats Sat. at 2 & 7:30].
SATURDAY 12/20
Cabaret
Judy Through the Holidays Tommy Femia brings you a Judy-licious Chrismas; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 11, $15 & 2 drink min.
Le Scandal Striptease, magic & sideshow acts put "downtown edge & dash of Coney Island" on nouveau burlesque & vaudeville show; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 10, $15.
"A Rock 'N Glitter Christmas" "The Beat Goes On" pres vol. 18 feat. Ricky Byrd, Christine Ohlman, Willie Nile, Don Fleming, the Kennedys, Tish & Snooky, Amanda Thorpe & Josh Tyler performing Christmas songs by the Ramones, the Kinks, the Sex Pistols, the Pretenders &, even, Alvin & the Chipmunks; Bottom Line, 15 W. 4th St. (Mercer St.), 212-228-6300; 7:30 & 10:30, $20.
Sinatra Saturdays Cary Hoffman performs Sinatra classics w/the Stan Rubin Orchestra; Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-957-9676; 8 & 10, $30 & 2 drink min.
Comedy
The Brooklyn Brew-Ha-Ha MC Bryan Olsen hosts one funny night w/comedians Susan Prekel, Clara Bijl, Patrick Borelli, Brian Kiley, Amanda Melson, Amber Tozer, Gilad Foss, Ritch Duncan, Larry Getlen & Jon Fisch; Boudoir Bar, 273 Smith St. (betw. Sackett & Degraw), Carroll Gardens, 718-624-8878; 9:30, $5 & 2 drink min.
Johnny Lunchpail's Christmas Package Enjoy some "longform spontaneous comedy from the twisted minds" of this acclaimed improv group; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 9, $7.
The Dirtiest Sketch in NYC Contest V Contestants have three-minutes to compete for the filthiest, dirtiest, most "outrageous, bizarre, surreal & crude" comedy of all; UCB Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (8th Ave.), 212-366-9176; 12, $7.
Dance
"Somos Flamencos" The Alegrias dancers, musicians & vocalists w/Riverdance's Flamenco soloist, Nelida Tirado; Alegrias Restaurant, 239 W. 14th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 917-880-9737; 8:30 & 11, $10.
SUNDAY 12/21
Comedy
Rabbit Stand-up, open-mic feat. funny-bunny comics; Revival Lounge, 129 E. 15th St. (betw. Irving Pl. & 3rd Ave.), 212-253-8061; 8, free .
Dance
Capoeira Festival & Children's Graduation pres. by Afro Brazil Arts-feat. performances by Guest Masters from Brazil & the ABA kids themselves; Sol Goldman YMCA, 344 E. 14th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-2203; 2, $15.
MONDAY 12/22
Cabaret
Monday Evening Burlesque Julie Atlas Muz leads classic, tassle-twirling fun; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), 718-782-5188; 9:30, free .
Comedy
Peter Bales does some damn funny stand-up w/Jessica Kirson & Sherod Small; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50 [repeats Tues.].
"Blue Mondays" Tony Woods pres. super stand-up from Todd Lynn, Dean Edwards, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Dawnel Rawlings, and Rondel Hartley; Boston Comedy Club, 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-477-1000; 9:30, $5 & 1 drink min.
Dance
"Under Exposed" by Shannon "Telescope" Hummel, feat. Renee "Tiny" Archibald, Daryl "D.O." Owens, Mellisa "Shanon" Briggs & Donna "Tiny Elvis" Costello; Dixon Place at University Settlement, 184 Eldridge St. (Rivington St.) 8, $12, $10 st./s.c.
THEATER
IN PREVIEWS
Aunt Dan and Lemon Star of Princess Bride, co-author of My Dinner with Andre & son of famed New Yorker editor William Shawn offers new production of his "political horror story"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times, $50. [opens 12/18, through 1/31].
The Last Letter "A new play adapted and directed by Mr. Wiseman from Vasily Grossman's now classic novel of Russia during World War II"; Lucille Lortel Theatre, 121 Christopher St. (betw. Hudson & Bleecker Sts.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $60. [opens 12/18].
RECENTLY OPENED
Anna in the Tropics Jimmy Smits makes his B'way debut in Pulitzer-Prize winning play; Royale Theater, 242 W. 45th St. (betw. B'way & 8th Ave.), 212-239-6200; Wed.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, mats. Wed. & Sat. at 2, Sun. at 3, $81.25-$21.25.
Beckett/Albee Hear their monologues back to back & begin to wonder who plagarized whom; Century Center for the Performing Arts, 115 E. 15th St. (betw. Park & 3rd Aves.), 800-490-1175; call for times, $65 [through 1/11].
Birdy A new play by Naomi Wallace, adapted from the novel by William Wharton (which the Nick Cage film was based on); The Women's Project Theatre, 424 W. 55th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $45 [through 1/18].
Carnival Knowledge "A gasp-inducing journey into the subculture of circus and sideshow"; Soho Playhouse, 15 Vandam St. (6th Ave.), 212-691-1555; Thurs. & Fri. at 8, Sat. at 5 & 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $35-$45.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Starring Ashley Judd, Jason Patric & Ned Beatty; Music Box Theatre, 239 W. 45th St. (6th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $86.25-$66.25.
The Chalk Garden Play by Enid Bagnold made into film starring Hayley Mills; Center Stage, 48 W. 21st St., 4th fl. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves), 718-274-7966; Wed.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $10.
Charles Phoenix's God Bless Americana: The Retro Holiday Slide Show "Celebrate the holidays like you never have before: with other people's amazing old Kodachrome slides of their best New Year's Eves, Halloweens, Thanksgivings, and of course, Christmas days"; Pyramid Club, 101 Ave. A (6th St.), 212-228-4888; call for times, $17-$20 [through 1/1].
Christmas Revels "Celebration of winter solstice transports audiences to the Florence of Leonardo Da Vinci" (American Sign Language Performance Sun. at 2); Leonard Nimoy Thalia, Peter Norton Symphony Space, 2537 B'way (95th St.), 212-864-5400; call for times, $21-$42 [through 12/21].
Christmas with Tommy Makem "joyous blend of festive holiday songs, poems and stories, including a reading of Dylan Thomas' A Child's Christmas in Wales"; Irish Repertory Theatre, 132 W. 22 St. (6th Ave.), 212-727-2737; call for times & prices [through 1/4].
The Colleen Bawn "A mother desperate to save her home, a son desperate to hide his bride and a servant desperate enough to do anything set in motion a raucous chain of events, though happy endings are the order of the day in this Victorian melodrama"; Irish Repertory Theatre, 132 W. 22 St. (6th Ave.), 212-727-2737; call for times, $40-$45 [through 12/28].
Diss Diss and Diss Dat "A new hiphop musical based on the music of the Funke Natives, well-known Harlem rappers of the late 80s and early 90s"; Henry St. Settlement Abrons Arts Center, 466 Grand St. (Pitt St.), 212-598-0400; Wed.-Fri. at 7:30, Sat. at 8, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, $30 [through 1/4].
Eat Fest: Fall 2003 "Ambitious, short-play festival"; John Houseman Theater, 450 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-206-1515; call for times & prices [through 1/11].
The Exonerated Four real-life, former death-row inmates who were eventually acquited portray themselves for one week in long-runnng, off-B'way play; 45 Bleecker St., 45 Bleecker St. (Lafayette St.), 212-307-4100; call for times & prices.
Fathers and Sons Based on the novel by Ivan Turgenev; Florence Gould Hall, French Institute, 55 E. 59th St. (betw. Madison & Park Aves.), 212-355-6160; Sat. & Mon. at 7:30, mat. Sun. at 2, $20 [through 12/22].
Golda's Balcony Tova Feldshuh portrays "the rise of Golda Meir from impoverished Russian schoolgirl to prime minister"; Helen Hayes Theatre, 240 W. 44th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices.
The Good Faith: 1940-1990 "Musical drama of good intentions, betrayal & misplaced devotion among Jehovah's Witnesses"; La MaMa E.T.C., 74A E. 4th St. (betw. Bowery & 2nd Ave.), 212-475-7710; call for times, $15 [through 1/4].
Holiday From the author of The Philadelphia Story; Gallery Players, 199 14th St. (betw. 4th & 5th Aves.), Park Slope, 718-595-0547; call for times, $15, $12 st./s.c [through 1/4].
Hoopla, Such Is Life "Theater and music in roaring-twenties Berlin"; Center for Jewish History, 15 W. 16th St. (5th Ave.), 212-294-8301; Wed. at 7.
The Lark "In this classic drama, which is surprisingly humorous, this fabled telling by Jean Anouilh about the life and legend of Joan of Arc is literally dramatized in front of Joan's persecutors"; Sanford Meisner Theater, 164 11th Ave. (betw. 22nd & 23rd Sts.), 212-543-9662; Wed.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $25 [through 1/11].
The Last Supper "Honest-to-God dinner theater" in the playwright's own pad; Ed Schmidt's Apartment, 154 W. 27th St., #4W (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 718-499-7758; Fri. & Sat. at 7, $50-$75.
Life Interrupted Spalding Gray's latest work-in-progress; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; Sun. & Mon. at 7:30, $20 [through 1/19].
Lilia! Libby Skala plays her grandmother, a Hitler refugee turned zipper factory employee turned Broadway star; Eagles Dare Theatre, 347 W. 36th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; Mon. & Tues. at 7, $20 [through 1/13].
Mahler: the Man Who Was Never Born "A stranger from another universe...a troubled young man...and a beautiful woman seer will embark upon a journey to change the course of history, but the history of which world"-just a wee bit over our heads; Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-352-3101; call for times, $15-$20 [through 1/11].
Matt & Ben "What if the only thing standing between you and destiny was Ben Affleck?"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; call for times, $22.50.
Moms "Veteran stage and television actress Clarice Taylor is resurrecting America's first female stand-up comedienne, Jackie "Moms" Mabley, for the off-Broadway stage"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times & prices.
Moo! The Twisted Tale of Dinky Farms "Animal Farm meets 'Looney Tunes'"; Manhattan Theatre Source, 177 MacDougal St. (W. 8th St.), 212-501-4751; Wed.-Sat. at 8, $15 [through 12/20].
Moscow Circus on Ice They have skating bears! And dogs! Thank god for second-world countries-that's gotta be illegal here...or at least involve a heavy fine; The Millennium Theater, 1029 Brighton Beach Ave. (11th St.), Bklyn, 212-307-7171; call for times, $30-$60.
The Musical of Musicals-The Musical! "In a comic satire of musical theater genres, one story becomes five musicals, each in the distinctive style of a different master of the form, from Rodgers and Hammerstein to Stephen Sondheim"; St. Peter's Church, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-935-2200; call for times, $20-$50 [through 1/18].
My Big Gay Italian Wedding Needless to say, the plot revolves around a few obstacles to a traditional Catholic affair...; Actor's Playhouse, 100 7th Ave. S. (betw. Bleecker & Christopher Sts.), 212-239-6200; Fri. at 10, mat. Sat. at 3, $40.
No Exodus "A barefoot and stuttering Shepard is approached by God and asked to go back to Egypt to confront the powerful Pharaoh. Armed with little more than a phrase, 'I am that I am,' he unhappily obliges"; John Houseman Theater, 450 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-206-1515; call for times & prices [through 12/27].
The Nuclear Family You decide which family member each of these three men portray, they make up the songs; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $20.
Precious "is a raucous comedy about the friendship between 17 year-old girls Maxine Weinstein, a transplanted New Yorker, and Precious, an eccentric debutante in Dallas, Texas"; Common Basis Theater, 750 8th Ave. (46th St.), 212-414-5420; call for times & prices [through 12/21].
The Rivals Richard Brinsley Sheridan's 18th century farce; Theatre 80, 80 St. Mark's Pl. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-598-9802; call for times & prices [through 12/28].
Roadhouse: The Stage Version of the Cinema Classic that Starred Patrick Swayze, Except This One Stars Taimak from the 80s Cult Classic The Last Dragon Wearing a Blonde Mullet Wig It seems obvious there is only one, or rather two, things to add: Who will replace Jeff Healey & Sam Elliott; Clemente Soto Velez Cultural Center, 107 Suffolk St. (betw. Delancey & Rivington Sts.), 718-637-3527; call for times & prices [through 12/27].
A Rockette's Tail Just in time for the holidays, but leave the kiddies at home; Eagles Dare Theatre, 347 W. 36th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; Sat. at 8, Sun. at 7, $20 [through 1/25].
Russian Strip Set in 1950s-era Soviet Union, plays in conjunction w/An American Heart (about "Jebediah Hankering, an aging, alcohol-swilling reprobate, ensconced in a medical center by his self-righteous sister"; Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St. (Washington St.), 212-502-0318; Mon. & Tues. at 8, $19 [through 1/13].
Schmaltz "Gefilte fish w/horseradish on Challah bread, egg creams and chicken-fat sandwiches"-this we should eat? This we should simonize a car with; 78th Street Theater Lab, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-873-9050; call for times, $20.
Sholom Aleichem-Now You're Talking! "Humorist and icon of Jewish literature will once again entertain a new generation with Saul Reichlin, international hit"; DR2 Theatre, 103 E. 15th St. (Park Ave. S.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $36.
Sleepless Fishes "An elctro-accordian, pirate-puppet sea odyssey"-what, no shanties?; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; Fri. at 10, $7 [through 1/30].
Taboo Boy George & Rosie O'Donnell pull a Thelma & Louise...but will someone yell "cut" before they go over the edge?; Plymouth Theater, 236 W. 45th St. (6th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $80-$100.
Tales from the Manhattan Woods New musical based on Die Fledermaus; Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St. (Washington St.), 212-502-0318; call for times, $24.50-$37.50 [through 1/24].
Tape "pits two best friends against each other when one tries to get the other to reveal that he date raped a girl they both went out with in high school ten years before"; The Flatiron Playhouse, 119 W. 23rd St. (6th Ave.), 212-868-4444; call for times, $15 [through 1/10].
Terrotica: An Erotic Nightmare "is about the link between fear and arousal"; Ohio Theater, 66 Wooster St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts), 212-966-4844 or 212-358-3657; Wed.-Sat. at 8, $15-$20 [through 12/20].
Under Milk Wood Dylan "do not go gentle" Thomas' lyrical drama; Theatre 3, 311 W. 43rd St. (8th Ave.), 212-868-4444; Wed.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $15-$50 [through 12/28].
What's Your Karma? English clairvoyant Lilith Dove selects audience members at random (via raffle) to reveal their past lives & "hidden talents"; Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-352-3101; call for times, $35 [through 1/30].
Wicked New musical inspired by the novel inspired by the novel/movie The Wizard of Oz (& starring Joel Grey); Gershwin Theatre, 222 W. 51st St. (6th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times, $40-$100.