WEDNESDAY 2/11 WEDNESDAY 2/11 Cabaret Elvis ...
Cabaret
Elvis Has Entered the Building! See dead-on impersonator of the side-burned king of rock 'n roll, occasionally all jazzed up in glitter & gold; Trailer Park Lounge, 271 W. 23rd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-463-8000; 8:30 & 10, free .
Lucky Stiff "sucks you into a netherworld where you will be seduced by clowns & sexy sword swallowing strippers"?better leave the kids at home; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 9, $11.
Norman's Big Night Out Norman Gosney pres. vaudeville reminiscent of Moulin Rouge (minus Nicole Kidman)?feat. singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats, jugglers & fire workers; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 9:30, $25.
Pink Steel You know where to put the umlaut in this homosexual "heavy metal petting show"; Joe's Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (betw. E. 4th St. & Astor Pl.), 212-539-8778; 9:30, $15.
Comedy
Abandon Ship Sketch group, the Friends of Davey Jones, tackle psychoanalysis, crime, violence & bad parenting in a new show; the Tank, 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; 8, $7.
Boxed Laughter Stand-up comedy solves all your problems w/laughter; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 8, $5 & 1 drink min.
Comedy Therapy Maureen Marren cures you w/laughs from nationally known comics; Otto's Shrunken Head, 538 E. 14th St. (betw. Aves. A & B), 212-228-2240; 10, free .
Invite Them Up Original stand-up hosted by Eugene Mirman & Bobby Tisdale; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 8, $5 sugg. don.
Madame Funnypants and their Metrosexual Frenemies Sketch comics Negin Farsad & Alexander Zalben bring their friendsters on-stage &, well, you know what they're like!; the Tank, 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; 8, $7.
Rob Magnotti performs stand-up alongside Jessica Kirson, J.J. Ramirez, Steve Byrne, Greg Vacarello & Steve Marshall; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50-$20 [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 8:45, Fri. at 8:30 & 10:30, Sat. at 8, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m.].
Russ Meneve Up-and-coming comic Meneve performs his brand of observational stand-up.; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $15-$18 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. at 10].
Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Jim Norton, Gregg Giuraldo, Godfrey & Keith Robinson; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10-$15 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 9 & 11, Fri. at 9, 10:45 & 12:30 a.m., Sat. at 7:30, 9:15, 11 & 12:45 a.m.].
"Revolutionary Chickens" Rob Lok's one-man comic take on his family's experiences escaping communist China moves to Wednesdays; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 9:30, $10.
Dance
Peggy Piacenza in "For Who I Am" w/post-performance discussion; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7 [through 2/21].
RK Ballet Contemporary ballet that Backstage called "luscious weddings of music and movement"; the Duke, 229 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-415-5552; 8, $12-$25 [through 2/14].
THURSDAY 2/12
Cabaret
Cat Fight! Lacey Langston treats us to the true story of the "divine feud between Bette Davis & Joan Crawford"; Rose's Turn, 55 Grove St. (betw. 7th Ave. & Christopher St.), 212-366-5438; 9, $12.
Naughty Baby Stephanie Sellars serves up a "smart, sexy" collection of jazz standards & swinging showtunes?w/musical director David Epstein & bassist Mark Wade; Duplex, 61 Christopher St. (7th Ave.), 212-255-5438; 7, $10 & 2 drink min.
Nicole Nicholson does her thing on the microphone w/Bruce McKinnon on keyboards; Miss Elle's, 226 W. 79th St. (betw. B'way & Amsterdam Ave.), 212-864-1829; 9, $12.
"The Rat Pack Review" No, not P. Diddy & Ashton Kutcher! Kevin James & Frank Bray perform hits by the real boys, "ol' blue eyes" & the dashing Dean?plus, comedy from Al Del Bene; Nolita Tavern, 30 Spring St. (Mott St.), 917-237-1901; 9 & 11, free .
Starshine Burlesque Master Jack Fetterman & the Meat Mistress join Dirty Martini & Eva Svensson; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 10, $5.
Comedy
Automatic Vaudeville Weekly comedy/variety show w/Hilly & Gavin Souchet; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 10, $5.
Comedy Soapbox Rusty Ward, Todd Womack & Mark Manne join others up on the stand-up soapbox; Nevada Smith's, 74 3rd Ave. (betw. 11th & 12th Sts.), 212-982-2591; 9, $10.
Hello Boys Singers/songwriters Michael Conley & Matthew Loren Cohen return w/their musical comedy revue; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min.
Italian Mamas Two one-woman shows about growing up Italian, Tracy Esposito's "Chicken Parmigiana" & Darlene Violetta's "Fortunata"; Producer's Club, 358 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), res. req. 212-560-5589; 7:30, $20.
Ralphie May (Last Comic Standing) brings his fast-paced, funny act to Times Square; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 8, $24.50-35.00 & 2 drink min. [Fri. & Sat. at 8 & 10, Sun at 8].
Thursday Night Comedy Show Hogwild hosts a set of new comics each week; Hiroko's Place, 75 Thompson St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts.), 212-625-1303; 8, 1 item min.
Uncensored Comedy Greg Wilson pres. great line-up of comedians, incl. Dustin Chafin, Laura Levites, Judah Friedlander, Jim Norton & Todd Lynn; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 9:30, $4 & 1 drink min. [repeats Fri. at 11:30, Sat. at 8:30, Mon. & Tues. at 9:30].
Dance
Cherylyn Lavagnino Modern dance w/"the rigor and technical expertise of ballet"; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; Thurs.-Sun. at 8:30, $15 [through 2/15].
Valentine's Day w/the New York Baroque Dance Company performing the appropriately titled "Art of Courtship"; World Financial Center Winter Garden, West St. (betw. Vesey & Liberty Sts.), 212-945-0505; 1.
FRIDAY 2/13
Cabaret
A Story About Love The Randy Brothers fall for the Wau Wau Sisters on the most romantic of weekends; Parkside Lounge, 317 E. Houston St. (Attorney St.), 212-673-6270; 7:30, $10.
The Bindlestiff Family Cirkus Winter Cabaret Winter line-up of eclectic troupe of vaudeville virtuosos, feat. talented members of Ringling Bros. & Cirque du Soleil; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 11, $15 [repeats Sat., through 2/28].
Floating Vaudeville Night Von Von Von hosts tango-trapezeing, rowdy, raunchy fun, feat. music by Liz Clark & "bizarre magic" from Albert Cadabra?"ya gonna luv it"; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 10 p.m.-1 a.m., $5.
The Ixion Burlesque Show heats up your Friday w/its sexy, tassle-twirling revue, feat. the World Famous *Bob*, pianist Albert Garzon, female vocalist Alice Goodman, drummer Mark Kirby & pantomime w/Fatima Bazzy; the Tank, 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; 10, $10.
The Karaoke Show The Donkey Show creators bring you their rendition of The Comedy of Errors?feel free to rock the mic or grind after the show; China Club, 268 W. 47th St. (8th Ave.), 212-398-3800; 7, $35-$55 [repeats Sat.].
Tammy Faye Starlite & the Angels of Mercy "Through song and fervid evangelical rhetoric [she] has shared her faith in Him with all those who care to genuflect"; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 8, $15 [through 2/20].
Comedy
Orny Adams Star of Jerry Seinfeld's film Comedian brings the laughs on the weekend of love.; Gotham Comedy Club, 34 W. 22nd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-367-9000; 8:30 & 10:30, $16 & two drink min. [repeats Sat. at 7:30, 9:30 & 11:30, Sun. at 8:30].
Comedy Soap Box Stand-up w/some of NYC's funniest?repeats Saturday w/different line-up; the Underground Lounge, 955 West End Ave. (107th St.), 212-531-4759; 10, $8.
Gilligan's Island: the Lost Episodes Marc Adam Smith directs cast of castaways through totally unauthorized parody of the series, revealing secrets incl. how Mrs. Howell packed all her clothes for the three-hour tour; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $10, $8 adv.
The McKellog Report Billed as "News You Can't Trust," this improv show skewers the news media; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 9, $7.
Paul Mooney Comedian/writer Mooney (Sanford & Son, In Living Color) warms your cold February nights w/his hard-hitting, side-splitting observations on race; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 12:30 a.m., $28.50-$30.00 & 2 drink min. [repeats Sat. at 12:30 a.m., Sun at 10].
The Mosaic A cast of funny, whip smart improv comics build a show out of random ideas suggested by audience members (ie, they're making this stuff up as they go); Under St. Marks, 94 St. Marks Pl. (betw. Ave. A & 1st Ave.), 212-696-7949; 8, $7.
No Relation Comedy Show Hosts Anthony & Joe DeVito bring Laurie Kilmartin,
Mike Birch Experience, Seth Morris, Cynthia Levin & Pat O'Shea to the Pub for a pre-Valentine's Day spectacular; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 9, free .
Off the Top of Our Heads Fast-paced, short-form improv from one of the city's best groups; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7, $7 [repeats Sat. at 7].
"Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You" Improv/sketch comedy in "talk show" format explores the subject of "obsessions & deep-down hidden feelings"; the Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave. (48th St.), 212-382-8818; 10, $8, $6 st./s.c.
Steal This Show "Guaranteed to change your life & give you at least one viable idea," paying is for suckers!; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 8, $6.
William Stephenson hosts stand-up feat. Kurt Metzger, Ellen Cleghorn, Rick Mann, Vanessa Hollingshead & Cory Kahaney; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 8:30, 10:30 & 12.30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.
Sweet Paprika Weekly comedy show w/special guests; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 8:30, $5.
3-Way Mexican Lei Try the Berkovits wit & the nachos grande?also, stand-up from Floridian Duncan Jay & Long Islander Allegra Barnett; Maui Tacos, 330 5th Ave. (betw. 32nd & 33rd Sts.), 212-868-9720; 8, 6:30 sign-up, 1 item min.
Dance
"Evidence of Light" 18 dancers "using light as a metaphor for humanity, knowledge and trust"...and bloating; Joyce Soho, 155 Mercer St. (betw. Houston & Prince Sts.), 212-334-7479; 8, $18, $15 st./s.c. [through 2/15].
Thunderbird American Indian Dancers' 41st Season kicks off tonight w/concert & pow wow; Theater for the New City, 155 1st Ave. (betw. 9th & 10th Sts.), 212-254-1109; Fri. & Sat. at 8, mats. Sun. at 2 & 5, don. [through 2/15].
SATURDAY 2/14
Cabaret
Glorya Wholesome's Living Legends feat. the Triple Treat: Miss Ariel Sinclair, tunes by Evil DJ GRIM & all your favorite living legends; Now Bar, 22 7th Ave. S. (Leroy St.), 212-293-0323; 10, $15-$20.
Judy Garland & Liza Minnelli Live! Dead-on impersonations of Judy & Liza by Tommy Femia & Christine Pedi; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 11, $20 & 2 drink min.
Le Scandal Striptease, magic & sideshow acts put "downtown edge & dash of Coney Island" on nouveau burlesque & vaudeville show; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 10, $20.
"Little Bit of Love: Evening with Lubka Bubkova & Friends" Margaret Dodge channels cosmetologist Bubkova, to bring you a little bit of comedic & musical madness; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; 10, $8.
Marieann Meringolo pres. a special Valentine's Day show?preceded by Lisa Asher's early show (7, $25 & 2 drink min.); Duplex, 61 Christopher St. (7th Ave.), 212-255-5438; 9:30, $25 & 2 drink min.
Sinatra Saturdays Cary Hoffman performs Sinatra classics w/the Stan Rubin Orchestra; Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-957-9676; 8 & 10, $30 & 2 drink min.
The Wau Wau Sisters Will Do Anything for Love The sisters' burlesque show returns to NYC & makes Valentine's Day last all month; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 8, $15.
Comedy
Joe DeVito welcomes Joseph Rocha, Rebecca Tingley, Todd Levin, Anthony DeVito & more lovelorn comics to the 'Burg; Grand Central Bar, 659 Grand St. (Manhattan Ave.), Williamsburg, 718-387-5515; 8, free .
Ray Ellin emcees stand-up from Kerry McNally, Tim Young, Johnny Lampert, Cory Kahaney, Ellen Cleghorn & JJ Ramirez; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 6, 8, 10:15 & 12.30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.
Evans/Reese Talk About Love Comics Jason Evans & Rob Reese match up audience members based on their on-line dating profiles?bring a profile & meet the partner of your dreams, w/musical guest Elisa Korenne; Parkside Lounge, 317 E. Houston St. (Attorney St.), 212-673-6270; 7, free .
How We First Met Couples share their relationship stories ?which are then acted out on stage by improv comics. Share the laughter?and the love!; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7 & 9, $10.
Ms. Jackson/Feathers & Flannel "Dripping wet gay improv"?just the way we like it?feat. Heather Gay, Lauren Palmigiano & Louie Pearlman; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 8, $8.
Dance
Tango for Valentine's Day w/Pablo Aslan's Avantago; Leonard Nimoy Thalia, Peter Norton Symphony Space, 2537 B'way (95th St.), 212-864-5400; call for times & prices.
Valentina Kozlova's Dance Conservatory Performance Project as part of the "Thee One Nighters" series; Florence Gould Hall, French Institute, 55 E. 59th St. (betw. Madison & Park Aves.), 212-355-6160; 7:30.
Valentine for Bertram Ross pays tribute to Ross (1920-2003) w/music & dance, incl. his "Nocturne" & performances by his contemporaries, incl. Mary Anthony, Amy Greenfield, Lynn Lobban, Deborah Zall & John Wallowitch; LaGuardia High School, 100 Amsterdam Ave. (65th St.), 212-496-0700; 7:30, free .
SUNDAY 2/15
Cabaret
Let's Duet: A Celebration of Friendship & Song Singers Connie Pachl & Bill Daugherty perform Broadway & jazz standards w/several original pieces; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 9, $15 & 2 drink min.
My Shining Hour Tony-winner Tonya Pinkins salutes composer Harold Arlen w/stories & songs; Joseph Papp Public Theater, 425 Lafayette St. (Astor Pl.), 212-239-6200; 7 & 9:30, $25.
Shocked and Amazed Get your fill of freaks, when sideshow historian James Taylor signs new issues of his sidshow culture journal, feat. Coney Island. Also, performances from Sideshows By the Seashore & screenings of Traveling Sideshow & Heavy Metal Parking Lot; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 1:30, free .
Comedy
Damaged Care Musical meds Greg LaGana & Barry Levy take on healthcare in the U.S. Did someone call for a singing doctor?; Danny's Skylight Room, 346 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-265-8133; 2, $10 & $10 min.
Friends & Family Josh Haness hosts a comedy night with a "friendly & familial atmosphere"?kick off the week on a gentle note; Beauty Bar, 231 E. 14th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-539-1389; 8, free .
Gotham City Improv Shampoo Rinse Repeat, Crux, How Bazaar & pembo! groups in two-hour improv show; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $5.
Gotham City Sketch Ensemble New sketch comedy show; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 9:30, $5.
Pussy Hut We're noticing a trend in the names of Todd Montesi's raw Sunday night stand-up showcase?and we like it! John Shin's open mic starts off the evening (8 p.m.); Village Ma, 107 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-529-3808; 9:30, 1 drink min.
Dance
Dixie Fun Dance Theatre pres. "Web, an interactive, quirky, educational, cartoonish and most of all fun dance/theatre show"; Brooklyn Arts Exchange, 421 5th Ave. (betw. 7th & 8th Sts.), Bklyn, 718-832-0018; 2.
MONDAY 2/16
Cabaret
An Evening with Burton & Russell In the tradition of French & Saunders, Arnie Burton & Jay Russell pres. tour de force of sharp plays, songs & sketches?proceeds benefit Rattlestick Playwrights Theater; Rattlestick Theater, 224 Waverly Pl. (betw. Perry & 11th Sts.), 212-353-7716; 8, $25.
"Gowanus Vaudeville Try-Out" Singers, dancers, comedians, actors & jugglers compete for a place in the upcoming "classic" vaudeville show w/a "modern twist"; the Brooklyn Lyceum, 227 4th Ave. (betw. Union & President Sts.), Park Slope, 718-857-4816; 6:30, free .
Monday Evening Burlesque Classic, tassle-twirling fun & gets naughty in the front room w/pretty Polly Peabody & the rings of marvelous Miss Saturn; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 9:30, free .
Show & Tell Those crazy O'Debra Twins host a "wet & wild open mic" as performers "have seven minutes in heaven to do whatever the heck they want"; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; 10, $3.
Comedy
Peter Bales performs stand-up w/Carrie Karavas, Steve Byrne, Rob Magnotti & Jessica Kirson; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50 [repeats Tues. at 8:45].
"Blue Mondays" Tony Woods pres. super stand-up from Todd Lynn, Dean Edwards, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Dawnel Rawlings & Rondel Hartley; Boston Comedy Club, 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-477-1000; 9:30, $5 & 1 drink min.
Eating It Host Tom Shillue welcomes Jonathan Corbett, Amir Golan, Bill Santiago, Dan Newbower, Val Kappa & Ralphie May to the stage; Luna Lounge, 171 Ludlow St. (betw. Houston & Stanton Sts.), 212-260-2323; 8:30, $8 incl. free drink.
Initial Stages Production built around works-in-progress, incl. stand-up, sketches, one-person shows & improv; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; 9, $5.
Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Dov Davidoff, Sherrod Small, Godfrey & Robert Kelly; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Tues. at 9 & 11].
Don Slovin's Improv Jam Open mic improv/workshop?learn how to be funnier!; the Brooklyn Lyceum, 227 4th Ave. (betw. Union & President Sts.), Park Slope, 718-857-4816; 8:30 , $5.
Dance
Dance Jam Children's Aid Society's weekly improvisational event is open to all forms of movement & movers w/or w/out background in modern or other dance forms, contact improv, martial arts, acting, or release techniques?beginners, disabled, all are welcome; Children's Aid Society, 219 Sullivan St. (betw. W. 3rd & Bleecker Sts.), 212-254-3074; 8:15, $8.
TUESDAY 2/17
Cabaret
Christine Ebersole enchants audiences w/renditions of Broadway faves & old standards; Feinstein's at the Regency, 540 Park Ave. (61st St.), 212-339-4095; 8:30, $60 & $30 min.
Lilly Lipid's Open Mic Variety Night Share the stage w/acrobats, jugglers, magicians, dancers, clowns, drag kings & queens, creepy mimes & aerialists, or just sit back & enjoy the madness; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; 9:30, 9 sign-up, $5.
Comedy
"Stand Up and Sketch" Sean Conroy hosts performances from NY's best sketch groups, incl. the Flying Ass Monkeys, Exploring Dementia, Free Refills, Rob and Mark Show, Tisdale and Baldo, the Lifetime Guarantee & Jumbalaya; Stand-Up New York, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-595-0850; 9, $10 & 2 drink min.
Dance
Sydney Dance Company pres. NYC premiere of Graeme Murphy's "Eliipse"...BYOB (AC/DC & football hooligans provided); Joyce Theater, 175 8th Ave. (19th St.), 212-242-0800; call for times & prices [through 2/22].
THEATER
Beautiful Child Nicky Silver's story of "a troubled teacher returning home to his family, who must love and accept who he has become"; Vineyard Theatre, 108 E. 15th St. (Park Ave. S.), 212-353-0303; Weds.-Sat. & Tues. at 8, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, $50 [opens 2/24].
Big Bill "Bill Tilden was considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, dominating the sport in the 1920s by winning seven U.S. championships. He was also a closeted homosexual"; Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater, 150 W. 46th (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.) call for times, $60 [opens 2/22, through 5/16].
Fiddler on the Roof Alfred Molina stars as Tevye... although you can get the same thing, plus potato pancakes & a smokin' version of "Satisfaction" over at Sammy's Roumanian on Chrystie St.; Minskoff Theatre, 200 W. 45th St. (7th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times [opens 2/26].
Spokesong is set in Northern Ireland during the turbulent 1970s; Storm Theatre, 145 W.46th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-868-4444; call for times, $19 [opens 2/12, through 2/28].
The Stendhal Syndrome Isabella Rossellini & Richard Thomas star in latest by Terrence McNally; Primary Stages, 354 W. 45th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-333-4052; call for times & prices [opens 2/16].
RECENTLY OPENED
The American Dream Edward Albee; Drama Book Shop, Inc., 250 W. 40th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-944-0595; call for times, $15 [through 2/15].
Aunt Dan and Lemon Wallace Shawn, star of Princess Bride, co-author of My Dinner with Andre & son of famed New Yorker editor William Shawn, offers new production of his "political horror story"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times, $50 [through 3/27].
Birdy A new play by Naomi Wallace, adapted from the novel by William Wharton (which the Nick Cage film was based on); the Women's Project Theatre, 424 W. 55th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $45.
Carnival Knowledge "A gasp-inducing journey into the subculture of circus and sideshow"; Soho Playhouse, 15 Vandam St. (6th Ave.), 212-691-1555; call for times, $35-$45.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Starring Ashley Judd, Jason Patric & Ned Beatty; Music Box Theatre, 239 W. 45th St. (6th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $86.25-$66.25.
The Changeling Children's Theatre troupe puts on Harry Potter backlash play, about "an awkward fairy child who can't seem to fit in among the creatures of Fairyland. But when he's left behind in the human world, Alfred gets a chance to prove his worth and find a home at last"; Vital Theatre Co., 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-592-0129; mats. Sat. & Sun. at 1 & 3, $14 [through 2/15].
Claymont "It is 1969 and soliders are going to Vietnam, astronauts are landing on the moon, and Neil Greenglass is hopelessly in love with the rebellious neighbor boy who is temporarily crashing at his house"; Intar 53, 508 W. 53rd St. (10th Ave.), 212-695-6143; Weds., Fri. & Sat. at 7, mat. Sun. at 3, $15 [through 2/22].
Crown Heights "Inspired by the still unresolved events of 1991 in the neighborhood that became synonymous w/racial strife"; All Stars Project, 543 W. 42nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-941-1234; call for times, $25-$35 [through 3/7].
Demonstration 2004 "a cultural biography of New York City's Castillo Theatre"; All Stars Project, 543 W. 42nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-941-1234; Fri. & Sat. at 7, mat. Sun. at 3, $25-$35 [through 2/15].
Dolphin Up a Tree Children's musical feat. Tina Talkington, who turns herself into many things incl. a dolphin & a tree; 78th Street Theater Lab, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-873-9050; Sun. at 11 a.m., $12.95 [through 4/8].
Double Infidelity Neoclassical farce by Marivaux; Theatre 80, 80 St. Mark's Pl. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-598-9802; call for times, $75 [through 3/21].
The Duchess of Malfi Always reminds one of that English class in college where your gay-male peer grabbed your face & kissed you open-mouthed to "prove a point about the text"...a remark that nobody, incl. the professor, understood?right, girls?; St. Peter's Church, 346 W. 20th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-691-6263; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.
Golda's Balcony Tova Feldshuh portrays "the rise of Golda Meir from impoverished Russian schoolgirl to prime minister"; Helen Hayes Theatre, 240 W. 44th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices.
The Gruffalo London's "Tall Stories Theatre Company" pres. musical version of award-winning picture book by same name; New Victory Theater, 209 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 8th Ave.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $10-$30 [through 2/22].
Gutenberg: The Musical! "The true story of Johann Gutenberg?the man who invented the printing press" (shit, we thought this was about Police Academy cadet, Steve); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves), 212-366-9176; Weds. at 8 [through 2/25].
The Ladies examines "dictator-brides" Elena Ceausescu, Imedla Marcos, Eva Peron & Jiang Qing; Dixon Place at Chashama, 111 W. 42nd St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-219-0736; call for times, $10-$25 [through 2/29].
The Life and Times of Barry Goldhubris "A man's ego gets so big, he explodes!"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; Thurs.-Sat. at 7:30, Sun. at 5 [through 2/22].
The Mammy Project "Artist confronts the stereotype of mammy"; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; Sun. at 5, Mon. at 8, $15 [through 2/29].
Matt & Ben "What if the only thing standing between you and destiny was Ben Affleck?"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; call for times, $22.50.
Max Morath: Ragtime and Again Songs of Scott Joplin, Eubie Blake, Hoagy Carmichael, George Gershwin & Irving Berlin; York Theatre, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-615-6966; call for times, $50 [through 3/14].
Menopause The Musical "is the parody that chronicles the meeting of four women at a lingerie sale in Bloomingdale's fighting over a black lace bra with nothing in common but memory loss, hot flashes, night sweats, chocolate binges, wrinkles, plastic surgery, hormones, not enough sex, too much sex, and much more"; Playhouse 91, 316 E. 91st St. (2nd Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times & prices.
Moms "Veteran stage and television actress Clarice Taylor is resurrecting America's first female stand-up comedienne, Jackie "Moms" Mabley, for the off-Broadway stage"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times & prices.
Moo! The Twisted Tale of Dinky Farms "Animal Farm meets 'Looney Tunes'"; Manhattan Theatre Source, 177 MacDougal St. (W. 8th St.), 212-501-4751; Weds.-Sat. at 8, $15.
Mother Courage and Her Children Bertolt Brecht on war; Classical Theater of Harlem, 645 St. Nicholas Ave. (141st St.), 212-868-4444; Weds.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 3, $19 [through 2/29].
The Musical of Musicals?The Musical! "In a comic satire of musical theater genres, one story becomes five musicals, each in the distinctive style of a different master of the form, from Rodgers and Hammerstein to Stephen Sondheim"; St. Peter's Church, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-935-2200; call for times, $20-$50.
My Big Gay Italian Wedding Needless to say, the plot revolves around a few obstacles to a traditional Catholic affair...; Actor's Playhouse, 100 7th Ave. S. (betw. Bleecker & Christopher Sts.), 212-239-6200; Fri. at 10, mat. Sat. at 3, $40 [through 2/28].
No Exodus "A barefoot and stuttering Shepard is approached by God and asked to go back to Egypt to confront the powerful Pharaoh. Armed with little more than a phrase, 'I am that I am,' he unhappily obliges"; John Houseman Theater, 450 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-206-1515; call for times & prices.
The Nuclear Family You decide which family member each of these three men portray, they make up the songs; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $20.
Nymph Errant "Cole Porter's own favorite among his many musicals"; Medicine Show, 549 W. 52nd St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-262-4216; Thurs.-Sat. at 8, mat. Sun. at 4, $20, $15 st./s.c. [through 2/15].
The Parrot New musical inspired by old Italian folktale as part of the "Give Us Your Children" series; the Flea Theater, 41 White St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-206-1515; call for times, $5-$20 [through 2/22].
A Rockette's Tail Just in time for the holidays, but leave the kiddies at home; Eagles Dare Theatre, 347 W. 36th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; Sat. at 8, Sun. at 7, $20 [through 2/15].
The Seven Husbands of Harriet Goldberg All eight characters appear to be played by the same actor...; Palace of Variety, 125 W. 42nd St. (betw. B'way & 6th Aves.), 877-246-3537; Thurs. at 8, $20, $15 st./s.c.
Sleepless Fishes "An elctro-accordian, pirate-puppet sea odyssey"?what, no shanties?; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; Fri. at 10, $7 [through 2/20].
States of Shock Sam Shepard's latest is a