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WEDNESDAY 3/10 WEDNESDAY 3/10 Cabaret Elvis ...

| 16 Feb 2015 | 06:35

    FACE="New York" SIZE=5>

    WEDNESDAY 3/10

    Cabaret

    Elvis Has Entered the Building! See dead-on impersonator of the side-burned king of rock 'n roll, occasionally all jazzed up in glitter & gold; Trailer Park Lounge, 271 W. 23rd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-463-8000; 8:30 & 10, free .

    Sunny Leigh's Opera Night Soprano Sunny Leigh sings arias & popular Italian songs w/Sheldon Forrest on piano; Buona Sera, 94 University Pl. (12th St.), 212-627-9200; 7-9, free .

    Lucky Stiff Leave the kids at home & get "seduced by clowns & sexy sword swallowing strippers"; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 9, $11.

    Man Wanted! Selby Brown & Ben West showcase a number of torch songs & showtunes in "the ultimate diva revue"; Center Stage, 48 W. 21st St., 4th fl. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves), 718-274-7966; 8, $40 [repeats Thurs. & Fri. at 8, Sat. at 2 & 8, Sun. at 2 & 7].

    Shelly Mars There's not a goy in sight when wild & raunchy Jewish girl Mars sings, tells jokes & hosts lots of dancing girls; the Marquee, 356 Bowery (betw. Great Jones & E. 4th Sts.), 212-475-1975; 9, $10.

    Norman's Big Night Out Norman Gosney pres. vaudeville reminiscent of Moulin Rouge (minus Nicole Kidman)?feat. singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats, jugglers & fire workers; Show, 135 W. 41st St. (betw. 6th Ave. & B'way), 212-278-0988; 9:30, $25.

    Comedy

    Addicted Billed as a "comedy of substance" & directed by Bob Balaban, Mark Lundholm's one-man show takes on fatherhood & drug addiction; Zipper Theater, 336 W. 37th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-239-6200; 8, $40 [repeats Thurs. & Fri. at 8, Sat. at 5 & 8, Sun. at 3 & 7].

    Alien Comic/Jack Bump It's a Battle Royale feat. Alien Comic & his evil twin Jack Bump?get ready for "an evening of rudeness"; the Marquee, 356 Bowery (betw. Great Jones & E. 4th Sts.), 212-475-1975; 7:30, $10.

    Boxed Laughter Stand-up comedy solves all your problems w/laughter; Jack Dempsey's Pub, 36 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-629-9899; 8, $5 & 1 drink min.

    Comedy Therapy Maureen Marren cures you w/laughs from nationally known comics; Otto's Shrunken Head, 538 E. 14th St. (betw. Aves. A & B), 212-228-2240; 10, free .

    Omid Djalili performs as part of the British/Irish Comedy Invasion; Village Theatre, 158 Bleecker St. (betw. Sullivan & Thompson Sts.), 212-307-4100; 8, $35-40 [through 3/20] [repeats Thurs., Fri, Sat., Sun & Mon. at 8].

    Invite Them Up Original stand-up hosted by Eugene Mirman & Bobby Tisdale; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 8, $5 sugg. don.

    The Jim Norton Roast Join host Rich Vos, Colin Quinn, Patrice O'Neal, Jim Florentine, Greg Giraldo & others as they gang up on Jim Norton & his raw observational humor; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $20 & 2 drink min.

    Madame Funnypants and their Metrosexual Frenemies Sketch comics Negin Farsad & Alexander Zalben bring their friendsters on-stage &, well, you know what they're like!; the Tank, 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-868-4444; 8, $7.

    Rob Magnotti performs stand-up w/Carrie Caravas, Steve Marshall, Steve Byrne & Greg Rogell; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50-$20 [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 8:45, Fri. at 8:30 & 10:30, Sat. at 8, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m.].

    Mosh First the improv group does its thang, then the audience gives it a try!; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 10:30, $1.

    Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Dan Naturman, Jim Norton, Godfrey & Kevin Brennan; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10-$15 & 2 drink min. [repeats Thurs. & Sun. at 9 & 11, Fri. at 9, 10:45 & 12:30 a.m., Sat. at 7:30, 9:15, 11 & 12:45 a.m.].

    Dance

    "3 Funny Ladies: Claire Byrne, Claire Porter & Ara Fitzgerald" I'm not a Claire, I'm an Ara?part of the Dance Dept.'s "Afternoons at LIU" series; Long Island University, Brooklyn Campus, 1 University Pl. (betw. Flatbush & DeKalb Aves.), Bklyn, 718-488-1015; 12 p.m., free

    Organ Plus! Scott Warren pres. some serious organ jams while the dancing people dance; Church of St. Ignatius Loyola, 980 Park Ave. (84th St.), 212-288-3588; 8, $20, $15 st./s.c.

    Subterranean Salsa Classics & Cuban Salsa Jam w/free lesson at the start for beginners; Bar Below, 209 Smith St. (Baltic St.), Carroll Gardens, 718-694-2277; 9, free .

    Andrea E. Woods & Dancers pres. "At the Soul Level," in which, according to the NY Times, "Ms. Woods' dances look like the rituals for beautiful, young, black goddesses"; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7, $25 [repeats Thurs.].

    THURSDAY 3/11

    Cabaret

    Automatic Vaudeville Weekly comedy/variety show w/Hilly & Gavin Souchet; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 10, $5.

    "Hello Boys" Michael Conley & Matthew Loren Cohen sing original songs in a hilarious musical comedy examining the "life of a performer living in NYC"; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min.

    Justin Bond: Uncorked! Bond performs songs "by, for, and about people who burned out early and died young"; Ars Nova, 511 W. 54th St. (betw. 10th & 11th Aves.), 212-981-9722; 9:30, $20 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    "The Rat Pack Review" No, not P. Diddy & Ashton Kutcher! Kevin James & Frank Bray perform hits by the real boys, "ol' blue eyes" & the dashing Dean?plus, comedy from Al Del Bene; Nolita Tavern, 30 Spring St. (Mott St.), 917-237-1901; 9 & 11, free .

    Jeffrey Ross is often called the "meanest man in comedy," so don't let his dry, reserved delivery fool you; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 8, $24.50-$28.50 & 2 drink min. [repeats Fri. at 8 & 10:30, Sat. at 8, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m., Sun. at 8].

    Starshine Burlesque Master Jack Fetterman & the Meat Mistress join Dirty Martini & Eva Svensson; RiFiFi, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-5368; 10, $5.

    Comedy

    Chicago City Limits gets AmBUSHed What better way to protest the Bush Administration than with sketch comedy & improv? Use that tax refund & get some tickets!; Chicago City Limits Theater, 1105 1st Ave. (61st St.), 212-888-5233; 8, $20 [repeats Thurs. at 8, Fri. & Sat. at 8 & 10:30].

    Happy Hour Diverse & funny stand-up show; Downstairs at Porters, 216 7th Ave. (betw. 22nd & 23rd Sts.), 212-229-2878; 8, $7 & 1 item min.

    Obsessively, Sam One-act about a brother who can't forget his one true love?his sister! Murder, drama & laughs galore!; Under St. Marks, 94 St. Marks Pl. (betw. Ave. A & 1st Ave.), 212-696-7949; 8, $12, $8 st. [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8, Sun. at 4].

    Thursday Night Comedy Show Hogwild hosts a set of new comics each week; Hiroko's Place, 75 Thompson St. (betw. Spring & Broome Sts.), 212-625-1303; 8, 1 item min.

    Uncensored Comedy Greg Wilson pres. great line-up of comedians, incl. Dustin Chafin, Ted Alexandro, Laura Levites & Jim Norton; Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-260-7993; 9:30, $4 & 1 drink min. [repeats Fri. at 11:30, Sat. at 8:30, Mon. & Tues. at 9:30].

    Dance

    "Both Sitting Duet" We personally stay away from dance acts whose titles go over our heads, but you'll probably enjoy Jonathan Burrows & Matteo Fargion's sharply funny creation; Kitchen, 512 W. 19th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-255-5793; 8, $20 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    City/Dans pres. Amanda Loulaki/Short Mean Lady's "I wanted to say...but I said..."; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 8:30, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sun.].

    "Cold Comfort" Performance art & dance that explores desire, hypoxia & penguin envy; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; 7:30, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sat. at 7:30, Sun. at 5].

    "Dark Side" Better than a laser light show! Scott Rink pres. ballet inspired by Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon?you know you're curious; Joyce Soho, 155 Mercer St. (betw. Houston & Prince Sts.), 212-334-7479; 8, $15 [repeats Fri.-Sun.].

    Paula Plessas & Ann Robideux pres. "Baggage Claim" w/music by Ted Coffey; Theater for the New City, 155 1st Ave. (betw. 9th & 10th Sts.), 212-254-1109; 8, $15 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    Slam Show-Home Series III "Part X-Games, part circus, part modern dance, all..."?we don't know what the fuck they're talking about!; S.L.A.M., 51 N. 1st St. (betw. Kent & Wythe Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-218-9553; 7, $15 [repeats Fri. & Sat.].

    FRIDAY 3/12

    Cabaret

    Anna Bergman Chanteuse performs her acclaimed show "Across a Crowded Room," feat. favorites & old classics; Stanhope Park Hyatt, 995 5th Ave. (betw. 80th & 81st Sts.), 212-650-4737; 8:30, $40 & $25 min. [repeats Sat.].

    Floating Vaudeville Night Lounge lizard Von Von Von hosts tango-trapezeing, rowdy, raunchy fun feat. Veronika Sweet?"ya gonna luv it"; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 10 p.m.-1 a.m., $5.

    "Get Up & Jive: Even More Songs of Joni Mitchell" Obie-winning experimental theater artist John Kelly does Mitchell in drag; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 8, $20 [repeats Sat., through 3/27].

    The Karaoke Show The Donkey Show creators bring you their rendition of The Comedy of Errors?feel free to rock the mic or grind after the show; China Club, 268 W. 47th St. (8th Ave.), 212-398-3800; 7, $35-$55 [repeats Sat.].

    Titty Titty Bang Bang Goddess Perlman hosts burlesque show, feat. the Glamazons, Jo Boobs, Bambi the Mermaid & Delerium Tremens?all, trying to make a dollar out of their bits & pieces; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 9:30, $12.

    Comedy

    Comedy Soap Box Stand-up w/some of NYC's funniest?repeats Saturday w/different line-up; the Underground Lounge, 955 West End Ave. (107th St.), 212-531-4759; 10, $8.

    Rich Francese rocks the mic w/Steve Byrne & Sherrod Small; Gotham Comedy Club, 34 W. 22nd St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 212-367-9000; 8:30 & 10:30, $16 & 2 drink min. [repeats Sat. at 8:30, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m.].

    Gilligan's Island: the Lost Episodes Marc Adam Smith directs cast of castaways through totally unauthorized parody of the series, revealing secrets incl. how Mrs. Howell packed all her clothes for the three-hour tour; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7:30, $10, $8 adv.

    Komedy Kebob Tim Brennan & Pat Rigby host weekly stand-up night?"come for the comedy, stay for the strippers"; Pussycat Lounge, 96 Greenwich St. (Rector St.), 212-349-4800; 7, free .

    The McKellog Report Improv show feat. "news you can't trust"; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 8:30, $7.

    Melt Away Those Winter Blues Celebrate spring w/night of topical sketch comedy; M.E.T., 55 Mercer St. (Broome St.), 212-239-6200; 7 & 9, $25.

    The Nasty Show starring KC Armstrong, the Howard Stern producer guy who looks like a date-rapist?how's that for nasty?; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 12:30 a.m., $22.50 & 2 drink min.

    The Next Big Broadway Musical Improvised two-act musical comedy, where audience participation is a must; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 9, $10 & 2 drink min.

    Off the Top of Our Heads Fast-paced, short-form improv from one of the city's best groups; Gotham City Improv, 158 W. 23rd St., 2nd fl. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-367-8222; 7, $7 [repeats Sat. at 7].

    Piece of Bullshit Pie "The truth is bitter?bullshit pie is delicious!"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; 8, $7.

    "Sara Schaefer is Obsessed With You" Improv/sketch comedy in "talk show" format explores the subject of "obsessions & deep-down hidden feelings"; the Sage Theater, 711 7th Ave. (48th St.), 212-382-8818; 10, $8, $6 st./s.c.

    Ray Ellin hosts stand-up feat. Sue Costello, Tim Young, JJ Ramirez, Keri Louise & Kurt Metzger; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 8:30, 10:30 & 12:30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.

    3-Way Mexican Lei Try the Berkovits wit & the nachos grande?also, stand-up from Floridian Duncan Jay & Long Islander Allegra Barnett; Maui Tacos, 330 5th Ave. (betw. 32nd & 33rd Sts.), 212-868-9720; 8, 6:30 sign-up, 1 item min.

    Vampire Cowboy Trilogy Comedy skewers film noir, kung fu films & comic books?feat. Vampire Cowboy Cheerleaders!; Common Basis Theater, 750 8th Ave. (46th St.), 212-414-5420; 8, $20 [through 3/27] [repeats Fri. & Sat. at 8, Sun. at 9].

    Dance

    Emily Bunning & Gina Young pres. a "carousel of movement" & "feminist fantasy" respectively; Brooklyn Arts Exchange, 421 5th Ave. (betw. 7th & 8th Sts.), Bklyn, 718-832-0018; 8, $15 [repeats Sat.].

    Fridays@Noon: Developing a Relationship Between the Dancers Informal showings of works in progress?see what develops; 92nd St. Y, 1395 Lexington Ave. (92nd St.), 212-415-5500; 12 p.m., free

    LightCurve Dance & Mixed Media premiere evening-length dance/video collaboration of works by Byron Carr & Sébastien Haizet; Merce Cunningham Studio, 55 Bethune St. (Washington St.), 718-482-3512; 9, $15, $12 st./s.c. [repeats Sat. & Sun. at 8].

    Nederlands Dans Theater rings in spring w/five U.S.-premieres, incl. two programs highlighting Jiri Kylian's choreography?Tonight starts Program B; BAM Opera House, 30 Lafayette Ave. (Ashland Pl.), Ft. Greene, 718-636-4100; 7:30, $20-$60 [repeats Sat. at 7:30, Sun. at 3].

    "Two on Two [2/2]" Again, we love brackets as much as the next guy, but what's all this mean??Anika T. Kristensen & Michael Portnoy's works-in-progress; Kitchen, 512 W. 19th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-255-5793; 6, $8 [repeats Sat.].

    Kate Weare & Karl Anderson pres. "A Picture and a Thousand Words," for what it's worth; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 7, $20 [repeats Sat.].

    SATURDAY 3/13

    Cabaret

    "Coney Island Freak Show" feat. classic freaks & human curiosities incl. fire & sword swallower Tyler Fyre, bug eater Insectivora, python charmer Serpentina & glass muncher Professor Scott Baker?plus dirty jokes & legions of strippers; Cutting Room, 19 W. 24th St. (betw. B'way & 6th Ave.), 212-691-1900; 10, $15.

    Judy Garland & Liza Minnelli Live! Dead-on impersonations of Judy & Liza by Tommy Femia & Christine Pedi; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 11, $20 & 2 drink min.

    "Little Bit of Love: Evening with Lubka Bubkova & Friends" Margaret Dodge channels cosmetologist Bubkova, to bring you a little bit of comedic & musical madness; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; 10, $8.

    Sinatra Saturdays Cary Hoffman performs Sinatra classics w/the Stan Rubin Orchestra; Carnegie Club, 156 West 56th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-957-9676; 8 & 10, $30 & 2 drink min.

    Va Va Voom Room Miss Astrid's erotic night of burlesque, va va vaudeville, strippers, magicians & clowns returns w/dancer Julie Atlas Muz, Tigger the stripper & fire chief Kari Dexter; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 10:30, $18 & 2 drink min.

    Comedy

    All Aboard the U.S.S. Boatship Elephant Larry group pres. new maritime-themed sketch show; the Kraine Theater, 85 E. 4th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-539-7686; 8, $10, $7 st.

    The Brooklyn Brew-Ha-Ha Larry Getlen runs da show feat. Ritch Duncan, Al DelBene, Erin Foley, Todd Womack, Jen Kirwin, Eric Kirchberger, Clara Bijl, Adam Wade & Bryan Olsen; Boudoir Bar at East End Ensemble, 273 Smith St. (betw. Sackett & Degraw Sts.), Carroll Gardens, 718-624-8878; 9:30, $5 & 2 drink min.

    If We Were Men We'd Be Famous Enjoy the appropriately bitter stand-up & story-telling of Shecky Beagleman, Gilda Konrad, Suzanne O'Neill & Janet Rosen. Come on, if they were men you'd go; Rose's Turn, 55 Grove St. (betw. 7th Ave. & Christopher St.), 212-366-5438; 9, $5 & 2 drink min.

    Bill McCarty emcees stand-up from Vanessa Hollingshead, Eddie Iffit, Ardie Fuqua, Lenny Marcus & Ted Alexandro; Comic Strip Live, 1568 2nd Ave. (betw. 81st & 82nd Sts.), 212-861-9386; 6, 8, 10:15 & 12.30 a.m., $17 & $12 min.

    No Name & a Bag o' Chips "NYC's best damn comedy/variety show" gives away free bags of chips, raffles off door prizes & tells a lot of jokes; Common Basis Theater, 750 8th Ave. (46th St.), 212-414-5420; 11:30, free .

    Poole Party! Ron Poole hosts long-running comedy/variety show feat. Erin Foley, Kevin O'Connor, Shelagh Ratner, William Mullin, Michael Conley, Maureen Kelley Stewart, Nancy McGraw, Sidney Myer & Nancy Witter; Don't Tell Mama, 343 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-757-0788; 8:30, $10 & 2 drink min.

    "Rock 2: The New Rock Albers Show" MAC award-winner returns w/musical parodies of James Bond, Britney Spears, The Golden Girls & Oklahoma, the state, performed in a Brooks Brothers suit, paired w/fuzzy pink bunny ears; Duplex, 61 Christopher St. (7th Ave.), 212-255-5438; 5, $10 & 2 drink min.

    Dance

    "A Belly Dancer's Story" Sandra Catena reads from her play by said name, followed by a full belly dance extravaganza; Linhart Theatre, 440 Lafayette St., 3rd Fl. (betw. E. 4th & E. 8th Sts.) 7:30, $20.

    Draftwork: Polly Motley Polly breaks it down?minus her Crüe?in this solo work-in-progress; Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194; 3, free .

    "Femmes and Fellas" Recommended for kids age 8-15 & their grown-ups?as part of the "Family Matters" series; Dance Theater Workshop, 219 W. 19th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-924-0077; 2, $20, $10 child.

    SUNDAY 3/14

    Comedy

    Friends & Family Kick off the week on a gentle note, when Josh Haness hosts comedy night w/a "friendly & familial atmosphere"; Beauty Bar, 231 E. 14th St. (betw. 2nd & 3rd Aves.), 212-539-1389; 8, free .

    Pussy Hut Come celebrate the fact that Todd Montesi's raw Sunday night stand-up showcase is still around!; Village Ma, 107 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-529-3808; 9:00, 1 drink min.

    Dance

    Bellydance Superstars w/Desert Roses, bringing Bellydance out from your bedroom & into the mainstream; B.B. King Blues Club, 237 W. 42nd St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-997-4144; 8, $40.

    MONDAY 3/15

    Cabaret

    Good Jewish Girls Gone Bad Goddess Perlman hosts regulars, incl. poet Vanessa Hidary, songwriter Michelle Citrin, comedian Cynthia Levin & the Shiksa Dancers, w/special guests; Fez/Time Cafe, 380 Lafayette St. (Great Jones St.), 212-533-7000; 9:30, $12.

    An Intimate Evening of Song Aimee Steele & Robert Mannis sing the jazz, pop & rock songs of Todd Almond, Eli Bolin, Lance Horne, Gabriel Kahane, Georgia Stitt & Benjamin Toth; Joe's Pub, 425 Lafayette St. (betw. E. 4th St. & Astor Pl.), 212-539-8778; 7, $15.

    Jule Styne: Everything's coming Up Roses Chicago's gift to Broadway & the world, Styne was the mind behind favs from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Funny Girl, Gypsy & more; the New-York Historical Society, 2 W. 77th St. (Central Park W.), 212-873-3400; 7, $20-$30.

    Show & Tell Those crazy O'Debra Twins host a "wet & wild open mic" as performers "have seven minutes in heaven to do whatever the heck they want"; Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery (betw. Bleecker & Houston Sts.), 212-614-0505; 10, $3.

    Comedy

    AV Club It's not stand-up, it's AV Club?come see Jessi Klein, Christian Finnegan, Dan Berrett & musical guest Beckley Roberts do their thing w/the film projector; Galapagos, 70 N. 6th St. (betw. Wythe & Kent Aves.), Williamsburg, 718-782-5188; 8, $7.

    "Blue Mondays" No, it's not a New Order cover band. Tony Woods pres. super stand-up from Todd Lynn, Dean Edwards, Steve Byrne, Kyle Grooms, Dawnel Rawlings & Rondel Hartley; Boston Comedy Club, 82 W. 3rd St. (betw. Thompson & Sullivan Sts.), 212-477-1000; 9:30, $5 & 1 drink min.

    Billy Burr performs stand-up alongside Jessica Kirson, Richie Byrne, Sherrod Small & Steve Marshall; Dangerfield's, 1118 1st Ave. (betw. 61st & 62nd Sts.), 212-593-1650; 8:45, $12.50 [repeats Tues.].

    Eating It The very funny Todd Barry hosts comedy by Greg Proops, Susie Felber, Josh Haness, Amber Tozer & Robert Kelly; Luna Lounge, 171 Ludlow St. (betw. Houston & Stanton Sts.), 212-260-2323; 8:30, $8 incl. free drink.

    Ed Sullivan on Acid Pat O'Shea hosts stand up w/Moody McCarthy, Jonathan Corbett, Carmen Lynch, Andy Vastola, Maureen Marren & Nellie Stevens; Freddy's Bar & Backroom, 485 Dean St. (6th Ave.), Prospect Heights, 718-622-7035; 9:30, free .

    Hysteria Weekly stand-up showcase that'll have you in stiches; Lion's Den, 214 Sullivan St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-477-2782; 9-11, free .

    Initial Stages Production built around works-in-progress, incl. stand-up, sketches, one-person shows & improv; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; 9, $5.

    Mamalogues Hayden Ward's funny one-mama show about growing up with her mother in Georgia?paired with Jayne Napier's "Rattled"; Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; 8, $5.

    New Talent Night Stand-up comedy from fresh new talent?second show features Rash Behaviour improv/sketch group; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 7 & 9:30, $15 & 2 drink min.

    Colin Quinn Funny man performs stand-up w/Keith Robinson, Greg Giraldo, Godfrey & Nick Dipoalo; Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal St. (betw. Bleecker & W. 3rd Sts.), 212-254-3480; 9 & 11, $10 & 2 drink min. [repeats Tues.].

    Red Bastard Performance artist attacks mediocrity in a comedy show described as "Cirque du Soleil meets Eddie Izzard"; People's Improv Theater, 154 W. 29th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-563-7488; 9:30, $6.

    Don Slovin's Improv Jam Open mic improv/workshop?learn how to be funnier!; the Brooklyn Lyceum, 227 4th Ave. (betw. Union & President Sts.), Park Slope, 718-857-4816; 8:30, $5.

    Tonight at Nine Sharif Corinaldi hosts a brand new open mic sketch group night; Revival Lounge, 129 E. 15th St. (betw. Irving Pl. & 3rd Ave.), 212-253-8061; 9, free .

    Dance

    "Body Blend" Sara Juli's dance series of mixed media, one time for your mind; Dixon Place at University Settlement, 184 Eldridge St. (Rivington St.), 212-352-3101; 8, $12, $10 st./s.c.

    Dance Jam Everyone's invited to the Children's Aid Society's weekly dance improv?open to all movers, even those lacking backgrounds in modern or other dance forms, incl. contact improv, martial arts, acting or release techniques; Children's Aid Society, 219 Sullivan St. (betw. W. 3rd & Bleecker Sts.), 212-254-3074; 8:15, $8.

    TUESDAY 3/16

    Cabaret

    Wet Night...Dry Martini Gregg Marx brings his L.A.-based cabaret show to our coast, feat. the music of George Gershwin, Stephen Sondheim & more; Danny's Skylight Room, 346 W. 46th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), RSVP 212-265-8130; 7 & 9:15, $15 & $10 min.

    Comedy

    Tracy Esposito Funny lady makes you laugh; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 7, $15 & 2 drink min.

    Get Starkers Comedy Night Take in some improv at this new Willy B bar; Alligator Lounge, 600 Metropolitan Ave. (Lorimer St.), 718-599-4440; 9, free .

    New Class Clowns Go back to school w/host Bryan Kennedy & his funny cohorts; Carolines on Broadway, 1626 B'way (betw. 49th & 50th Sts.), 212-757-4100; 9:30, $12 & 2 drink min.

    Dance

    Peter Boal & Co. The NY City Ballet Principal & his elegant crew do some grooving; Joyce Theater, 175 8th Ave. (19th St.), 212-242-0800; 8, $40.

    THEATER

    IN PREVIEWS

    Bee-Luther Hatchee "Shelita Burns, an up-and-coming African-American book editor in New York City, publishes the memoirs of an elderly, Southern black woman named Libby Price, only to discover that the author is not exactly who she seems"; Blue Heron Arts Center, 123 E. 24th St. (betw. Park Ave. S. & Lexington Ave.), 212-868-4444; call for times, $15 [opens 3/14, through 4/4].

    From Door to Door Three generations of women become very different mothers; Westside Theatre, 447 W. 43rd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $55 [opens 3/24].

    Johnny Guitar "A new musical based on the 1954 cult film favorite"; Century Center for the Performing Arts, 115 E. 15th St. (betw. Park & 3rd Aves.), 800-490-1175; call for times & prices [opens 3/23].

    Open Heart "New musical [takes] comic look at how we discover and determine life's priorities"; Cherry Lane Theater, 38 Commerce St. (Bleecker St.), 212-206-1515; call for times, $50 [through 3/4] [opens 3/17, through 4/25].

    Silent Laughter Pre-talkie cinema w/live music, pratfalls, pranks, pies in the face, sultry vamps, little tramps & a conundrum of Keystone Cops; Lamb's Theater, 130 W. 44th St. (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices [opens 3/18].

    The Sound of a Hammer Hitting the Head Uh...pres. by "Kwatz! The Tibetan Project"; West End Theater Church of St. Paul & St. Andrew, 263 W. 86th St. (betw. B'way & West End Ave.), 212-362-3328; call for times, $10-$40 [opens 3/24, through 4/11].

    The Truth About Blayds and Mr. Pim Passes By, two plays by Winnie the Pooh author A.A. Milne; Mint Theater, 311 W. 43rd St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-352-0255; call for times & prices [opens 4/14].

    RECENTLY OPENED

    All About Sneakers "An old-fashioned story of love"; Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St. (Washington St.), 212-502-0318; call for times, $15 [through 3/24].

    Aunt Dan and Lemon Wallace Shawn, star of Princess Bride, co-author of My Dinner with Andre & son of famed New Yorker editor William Shawn, offers new production of his "political horror story"; Kirk Theater, 410 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-279-4200; call for times, $50 [through 3/27].

    The Barksdale Confession playing in repertory w/The Philosopher's Joke; Workshop Theater Co., 312 W. 36th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-695-4173; call for times, $15, $10 st. [through 3/13].

    Big Bill "Bill Tilden was considered one of the greatest tennis players of all time, dominating the sport in the 1920s by winning seven U.S. championships. He was also a closeted homosexual"; Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater, 150 W. 46th (betw. 6th & 7th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times, $60 [through 5/16].

    Carnival Knowledge "A gasp-inducing journey into the subculture of circus and sideshow"; Soho Playhouse, 15 Vandam St. (6th Ave.), 212-691-1555; call for times, $35-$45.

    The Chalk Garden Frank Rich calls it "extraordinarily modern for a high comedy set in a stuffy Sussex manor house"; Florence Gould Hall, French Institute, 55 E. 59th St. (betw. Madison & Park Aves.), 212-355-6160; Sat. & Mon. at 7:30, mat. Sun. at 2 , $20 [through 3/15].

    Dolphin Up a Tree Children's musical feat. Tina Talkington, who turns herself into many things incl. a dolphin & a tree; 78th Street Theater Lab, 236 W. 78th St. (B'way), 212-873-9050; Sun. at 11 a.m., $12.95 [through 4/8].

    Double Infidelity Neoclassical farce by Marivaux; Theatre 80, 80 St. Mark's Pl. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-598-9802; call for times, $75 [through 3/21].

    Dysteria, Family Idol & Home as part of a three-week festival; Arclight Theater, 152 W. 71st St. (betw. B'way & Columbus Ave.), 212-787-8716; call for times & prices [through 3/21].

    The Falcon's Magic Feather Children's theater piece about princess & enchanted falcon based on Russian folklore; Vital Theatre Co., 432 W. 42nd St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-592-0129; mats. Sat. at 1, Sun. at 1 & 3, $14 [through 3/28].

    Fiddler on the Roof Alfred Molina stars as Tevye...although you can get the same thing, plus potato pancakes & a smokin' version of "Satisfaction" over at Sammy's Roumanian on Chrystie Street; Minskoff Theatre, 200 W. 45th St. (7th Ave.), 212-307-4100; call for times.

    Golda's Balcony Tova Feldshuh portrays "the rise of Golda Meir from impoverished Russian schoolgirl to prime minister"; Helen Hayes Theatre, 240 W. 44th St. (betw. 7th & 8th Aves.), 212-239-6200; call for times & prices.

    Great Men of Gospel "Follows the evolution of gospel music in America"; Henry St. Settlement Abrons Arts Center, 466 Grand St. (Pitt St.), 212-598-0400; Weds.-Fri. at 7:30, Sat. at 8, mats. Sat. & Sun. at 3, $30 [through 4/11].

    Gutenberg: The Musical! "The true story of Johann Gutenberg?the man who invented the printing press" (shit, we thought this was about Police Academy cadet, Steve); Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, 307 W. 26th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-366-9176; Weds. at 8.

    I Need a Guy Who Blinks We read the title of this one-woman show as "I Need a Guy Who Drinks"...how much you wanna guess the fresh angry-single-girl style monologue revolves around a bad date where the other party wouldn't blink? Now not drinking, that would be something...; Trilogy Theater, 341 W. 44th St. (betw. 8th & 9th Aves.), 212-316-0400; call for times, $10-$15 [through 3/13].

    Internal "An evening of mental spring cleaning"; Collective Unconscious, 145 Ludlow St. (betw. Stanton & Rivington Sts.), 212-254-5277; call for times, $10-$15 [through 3/20].

    Jack! Family-friendly "rock-bluegrass musical based on the Appalachian version of the medieval fairy-tale, Jack and the Beanstalk"; Looking Glass Theater, 422 W. 57th St. (betw. 9th & 10th Aves.), 212-307-9467; call for times, $12, $10 child [through 4/10].

    Matt & Ben "What if the only thing standing between you and destiny was Ben Affleck?"; P.S. 122, 150 1st Ave. (9th St.), 212-477-5288; call for times, $22.50.

    Max Morath: Ragtime and Again Songs of Scott Joplin, Eubie Blake, Hoagy Carmichael, George Gershwin & Irving Berlin; York Theatre, 619 Lexington Ave. (54th St.), 212-615-6966; call for times, $50 [through 3/14].

    Menopause