WEDNESDAY Wednesday Robert Creeley In his bebop ...

Robert Creeley

In his bebop youth, Creeley looked like a more grizzled version of Gilligan or Dobie Gillis. As a septuagenarian literary lion, he looks like a well-read town drunk. His dead friends William Carlos Williams and Ezra Pound may have better name recognition, but don't forget Creeley was an influential professor at the experimental Black Mountain College and was the poet laureate of New York State from 1989-1991. Not bad at all. Danspace Project at St. Mark's Church, 131 E. 10th St. (2nd Ave.), 212-674-0910, RSVP 212-674-8194, 8, $8.

SpiderBabe

Did someone say "softcore lesbian porn film parody?" The trampy, campy team that brought you Lord of the G-Strings and Playmate of the Apes is in town to debut its latest girl make-out epic, SpiderBabe. Misty Mundae stars as Patricia Porker, a nerdy college student who gets bitten by a spider and starts fighting crime for some reason. Misty and her co-star Darian Crane appear at the screening, so be sure to compile a bunch of James Lipton-style questions about how they prepared for their roles. Pioneer Theater, 155 E. 3rd St., (Ave. A), 212-254-3300, 9:30, $9.

Astronaut

With most bands in the Lower East Side pretending they're from Manchester, accents included, Astronaut's arpeggiated guitar rhythms and kick-ass rhythm section are a breath of much-needed fresh air. We've already started drinking in anticipation of their record-release party and show at Lit, 93 2nd Ave. (betw. 5th & 6th Sts.), 212-777-7987, 9, $5.

Legal Action Comics Vol. 2 Signing

Celebrating the release of the second volume of the universally revered Legal Action Comics, representatives of their high-powered comic artist collective will sign books at Jim Hanley's Universe. New York Press homeslice and accomplished email prankster Danny Hellman will be on hand to answer any questions about Ted Rall. Other comic notables include Punk magazine's John Holstrom and artists whose work has appeared in publications ranging from Drawn and Quarterly to The New Yorker. This might be the best book-signing ever. 4 W. 33rd St. (betw. 5th Ave. & B'way), 212-268-7088, 5, free.

Fog of War

It's odd that acclaimed documentary maker Errol Morris would follow up a movie called Mr. Death with Fog of War, a movie about Robert McNamara, the man most responsible for the escalation of the Vietnam war. Morris' first film, Gates of Heaven, was an odd little elegy about pet cemeteries. His acclaimed Thin Blue Line concerned a man unfairly convicted of murder and facing the death penalty. Mr. Morris, are these merely expertly crafted records of the human experience, or cries for help? Angelika Film Center, 18 W. Houston St. (Mercer St.), 212-995-2000, call for times, $10.

Thursday

Dune

The spice! The spice! This may be David Lynch's most underrated and misunderstood masterpiece. It's true that it takes a lot of liberties with original source material, and the presence of Sting, Captain Picard and Special Agent Dale Cooper is sort of distracting. But it's just so twisted and strange that it cannot be ignored. Warning: This movie can make you very, very thirsty. Cinema Classics, 332 E. 11th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-677-1027, 8, $6.

Friday

Tom Wopat, Judith Owen, Harry Shearer

Luke Duke and Principal Skinner take the stage tonight. Wow. Nightmares really do come true. Bottom Line, 15 W. 4th St. (Mercer St.), 212-228-6300, 7:30 & 10:30, $30.

Kaiju Big Battel

Tonight, Neo-Brooklyn may be destroyed. Giant, "city crushing" monsters square off in an epic battle that will decide the fate of the world. Kaiju Big Battel may seem like a cross between a Toho film and a pro-wrestling match. But knowing that the villainous Dr. Cube has a posse of bloodthirsty minions that threaten to tear the world apart, we dismiss all such cynical observations. Warsaw, 261 Driggs Ave. (betw. Eckford & Leonard Sts.), Greenpoint, 718-387-0505, 9, $22, $20 adv.

India Day Festival

You eat the food all the time, and it's the biggest democracy in the world, even if the current ruling BJP party is a bit fascist. Brooklyn-based Trilok Fusion Arts, Inc. presents a two-day performance featuring Indian film, literature, classical music and dance. There may even be a few sadhus in loincloths drinking an egg and urine mixture walking around. South Oxford Space, 138 S. Oxford St. (betw. Green & Atlantic Aves.), Brooklyn, 718-398-0333, 6, $10.

Saturday

Flea Market

Got champagne dreams and a Rheingold budget? This semi-annual "bargain fest" is giving you a chance to stretch that unemployment check as far as it will go. Offering "gently used" designer clothes, leather goods and furs, you can walk away looking like a bootleg Hilton Sister. Or grab some books, tapes, records and CDs on the cheap. The proceeds benefit a 156-year-old church, but don't let that stop you. Church of St. Francis Xavier, 30 W. 16th St. (betw. 5th & 6th Aves.), 646-638-2566, 10, free.

Alex Ross

Not your typical comic book artist, Alex Ross' signature style is painting, granting subtleties of light and shade to square-jawed, morally unambiguous superheroes. He's also a total whackjob who believes it's his mission to make comic books real?he built a six-foot statue of Batman and owns his own Phantom costume. He will be on-hand to explain his art and weird life during his exhibit in benefit of the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art. Refreshments provided. Illustration House, 110 W. 25th St. (6th Ave.), 212-966-9444, 6, $5.

Sabbra Cadabra, Black Dog

A Black Sabbath tribute band playing on the same night as a Led Zeppelin tribute band? A live band playing "The Wizard" and another playing "When the Levee Breaks"? We thought there were laws about this sort of thing. Continental, 25 3rd Ave. (St. Marks Pl.), 212-529-6924, 8, $5, $10 after 10.

National Survivor of Suicide Day Conference

There are a couple odd things about this American Foundation for Suicide Prevention-organized conference, meant to help people cope with the deliberate loss of a loved one. First, why isn't it being held at NYU? Second, why isn't Elliott Smith's mother the keynote speaker? Third, why are suicide survivors being charged $35? Haven't they sort of been through enough already? New York Academy of Medicine, 1216 5th Ave. (103rd St.), 888-333-2377 x32, 10:30.

Sunday

Asylum Street Spankers

Who would have thought ukuleles, banjoes, fiddles, harmonicas, washboards and a stand-up bass could rock this hard? The perpetually touring Spankers prove that they can, time and again, with a song catalog that stretches from the early 20s to, well, at least the mid-90s. Sadly, clarinetist Stanley Smith has retired (and will be missed), but it'll still be interesting to see how the lowdown hootenanny plays in the fancy-fancy surroundings of their latest NY stop. Makor, 35 W. 67th St. (betw. Central Park W. & Columbus Ave.), 212-601-1000, 8, $15.

Silent Clowns

Rootin' tootin' old-timey entertainment, here, folks, step right up. Ever wonder what Gramamma and big Poppa did on a date? Most likely they strolled the promenade, took in a phosphate and watched awesome weird silent comedy movies. Wax up your handlebar moustache for the Buster Keaton classic Steamboat Bill, Jr., presented with live piano courtesy of Ben Model. Also featuring the 1929 short, A Pair of Tights. The Little Theater at the West Side YMCA, 5 W. 63rd St. (Central Park W.), 212-969-0968, 2, $8, $5 s.c./child. under 12.

Monday

Jenin Diary: The Inside Story

Gil Mezuman's 2002 documentary, Jenin Diary: The Inside Story, tracks a group of reservists in the Israeli army following the loss of 13 of their fellow soldiers during an anti-terrorist mission. The emotions are raw in this candid, compelling 65-minute movie. Makor, 35 W. 67th St. (betw. Columbus Ave. & Central Park W.), 212-601-1000, 7:30 & 9, $9.

Didgeridoo Workshop

There's an Australian guy who sometimes parks himself in our subway station and plays his didgeridoo. At first we wanted to knock him down and beat him to death with it, but we've since sort of taken a shine to him. So if you'd like to annoy, then win over your neighbors by playing a long, hollow wooden tube that sort of moans when you blow into it, go to Simon 7's didgeridoo workshop, and he'll show you how it's done. Tribal Soundz, 340 E. 6th St. (betw. 1st & 2nd Aves.), 212-673-5992, 7, $15.

Tuesday

The Meanwhiles

Ever wondered what lethargic depression sounds like? Look no further than the Meanwhiles, who epitomize that mood by making sounds that are harrowing and beautiful. Imagine Mogwai stripped to a hungry skeleton, add in acoustic guitars, occasional strings and lyrics that beg for entropy and you have an approximate vision of this band. Now take the spike out of your arm and get over to the show. Knitting Factory Old Office, 74 Leonard St. (betw. B'way & Church St.), 212-219-3006, 9, $9.

Preserving Asylum: Surviving Torture & Surviving the System

Immigrants seeking safety from torture and persecution often flee to the U.S. only to discover they are not welcome here either. Since 9/11, the situation has gotten even harder for those wanting a new life in the States. Tonight Dr. Allen Keller discusses the many challenges asylum seekers face in claiming their right to political asylum. Barnard College, 3009 B'way (117th St.), 212-854-7583, 7, free.

Contributors: Adam Bulger, Jim Knipfel and Alexander Zaitchik.