What Weird Is

I need to know if I'm some kind of weirdo. I was having brunch with a former lover yesterday, and she asked if I had ever paid for sex. I said, No, I have never been interested in sex with a prostitute. She wouldn't believe meshe said every guy she knows has had sex with a pro.

I began to wonder why I've never been interested in sex with prostitutes. I think it's because the most important thing to me with sex, what is the most fun for me in sex, is the girl's orgasm. I prefer to do this by going down on them, but I'll bring my partner to orgasm by any means she desires. I just love bringing a girl to the most spectacular orgasm possible. It gives me great pleasure. Is there anything wrong with that?

As far as I'm concerned, my orgasm is secondary. Besides, it's so easy for me to have an orgasm (more weirdnessI'm not even fond of blowjobsthey're completely unnecessary). I know that prostitutes need orgasms too, but I have to admit that the idea of eating a prostitute's pussy is not really that appealing to me. I mean, if a prostitute asked me I'd probably do it, but I don't want to pay for it when I know I can find willing partners who would like to have their pussies eaten for free. I realize that I may be a boring lover; I just like to eat pussy and have regular ol' reliable missionary-position sex. I don't care for blowjobs, and anal sex is not necessary unless she really wants that. So, Dategirl, I gots to know, am I some sort of weirdo because I'm not entirely concerned with my orgasm? Please tell me that you know other guys like this and I'm not some kind of mutant.

David

Some guys write naughty letters specifically designed to wind me up, in the hopes that I'll issue a written spanking. Others, like yourself, pen self-congratulatory odes to themselves in question format. Yawn.

So, no, David, you're not a mutant or a weirdo, because true nutters never wonder if they're kooky. They just are. You, my sweet misguided friend, you're merely boring, a fate far worse than freakdom.

First off, the word "lover" is strongly discouraged in these parts. It conjures up misty images of a moustachioed man drinking chablis out of their permed luv-uh lady's bellybutton, all perpetrated in front of a roaring fire, while the dulcet tones of Starland Vocal Band drone on in the background. (Second, you should seriously consider the purchase of a thesauruspreferably a dirty one. I recommend The Big Book of Filth, published by Sterling).

A woman I know once dated a guy who'd fuck her for hours and never ever let himself go. Far from being sexually dysfunctional, Priapic Pete got off on holding out while girlfriend's brain melted from orgasm after orgasm. Now there's nothing wrong with wanting your beliked to See God, but after a while it gets to be a control issue, which, when she opened her eyes, she saw manifested itself in other ways (this cad took emotionally unavailable to heretofore untold heights). He withheld his affections much the way he selfishly (and some might say psychotically) hung on to his jizz.

I'm not saying you're of the same ilk, but it's something you might want to consider. How selfless is the guy who constantly reminds you how selfless he is? Not very. While other guys enjoy a nice blowjob after a muff-dive gone right, you're only interested in accolades.

Watching your Special Naked Friend's eyes roll back in his head while he screams variations of the lord's name because you've licked him to fruition is something we ladies enjoy as well. Do you really think it's fair that you deny your girlie this pleasure? Do you think you're being charitable by not wanting your lady friends to slurp your pecker? Because believe it or not, loads of girls looooove giving head. Probably for much the same reasons you do.

So instead of patting yourself on the back, why don't you loosen up and give a sister a breaklet her suck your cock.

Speaking of which, my unscientific research indicates that the majority of men haven't paid for sex. True, many have, but a lot haven't. So you don't get a gold star for resisting the lure of the ladies of the night either. Sorry!