When I was single, I barely went out on dates. ...

was single, I barely went out on dates. I can't remember being asked out much. Now that I am married, I get hit on all the time. I've taken some time to stand back and verify this strange occurrence on more than one occasion. I compared notes with my other married friends, and we have all had the same experience. Why is this happening?

—Hitched but Still Hot

Honey, you have what we in the love biz refer to as "the stank." The stank only occurs when you are happily ensconced in a relationship. It is both a blessing and a curse—it's flattering, but it can fuck you up. The stank causes men (or women) who would've never glanced your way to suddenly find you utterly captivating and completely irresistible. Suddenly the deli guy is throwing brightly wrapped candies into your bag and bartenders won't even consider letting you pay for your drinks. High school boys nod lewdly in your direction, and you catch grouchy old Father O'Malley checking out your caboose. And yes, that's all very nice, but it's also very tempting to give the stank more merit than it deserves.

Nobody is certain why this phenomenon occurs, but there are several theories. One is that someone who is having tons of great sex (and I know you married peeps are getting it on 24/7) is always walking around wearing that shit-eating, post-coital grin. Consequently, the aroma of eau d' pork surrounds you like a beckoning cloud. Who can resist that?

Another possibility is that you just don't give a fuck anymore. Everyone knows men (and women) love the chase. Perhaps you've heard of that most popular aphrodisiac: It's called disinterest. (Its agonist cousin, desperation, is often inadvertently worn by single people who haven't seen any genitalia besides their own in quite a while. Unlike disinterest, desperation breeds contempt and causes potential dates to flee the area.)

Whatever the reason, the real danger lies when one starts to believe the stank. This condition is a fleeting one, and I personally guarantee you that it will evaporate the second you end your big-time love thang in order to chase all the tail it seems apparent you could be scoring if only you were single. I think it goes (almost) without saying that men are more susceptible to this scenario. I've watched several friends fall prey to it, and it ain't pretty. So enjoy your reign as Ms. Popular while it lasts, but try not to take it too seriously.

There's this girl I have my eye on. She's about 15 years younger than me, and I gave her a lot of help when she was just starting out. When I first met her she was a gangly kid, interning at the firm where I was then working. Flash ahead a few years. Neither of us work there anymore, and she's completely gorgeous and successful in her (our) field. She's also available. How do I get her to look at me as something other than a mentor?

—Reluctant Guru

I don't know where you went to college, but where I went to school, professors were always banging their students. Curiously, it was only male professors sleeping with female students, but we won't delve into that cruel disparity. What I'm saying is that young women seem to be especially easy for older, wiser, lecherous authority figures to talk into the sack. You don't say whether or not she has daddy issues, but for your sake, one can only hope she does.

As a veteran mentor-dater, let me tell you how my scenario went down. Older, smart writer guy and I were forced to share an office. At first I was bowled over by his crabby demeanor and astonishingly bad hair and outfit combos. Eventually, we became friends, and he taught me to be a much better writer and editor. Eventually I started to look up to him. Then I developed a crush—in spite of the fact that I actually found him quite physically repulsive.

Now let's just stop and discuss this for a minute. Back in college, I had one particular professor that I found so hideously ugly, my eyelids would start to twitch if he happened to enter my field of vision. His humongous head and face were mottled and ruddy—as though someone had planted a giant roast beef atop his shoulders. He always seemed to be scratching at one or more of the several odd rashes that peppered his skin at any given time. I won't even go into his physique. Yet in spite of the atrocity that god had dealt him in the looks department, this guy was never without a totally hot girlfriend at least 20 years his junior.

This is not to say you're ugly. You're probably a stone fox. What I'm trying to say, in my own ham-handed way, is that some women find power and smarts so incredibly alluring, that it clouds their vision and renders them chickenshit. (Again, sadly, this does not work in reverse!) If you're good- looking to boot, I'm guessing she may be too intimidated to bust a move on you.

I know that was the case with me. I put smart writer guy onto such a high pedestal that I would've never ever tried to git with him. I was simply too petrified. We finally came together one night watching tv. He turned to me and uttered the words every girl longs to hear: "You wanna keep this clean or what?"

Hopefully you'll come up with something slightly more romantic than that, but you get the gist. It's up to you, big daddy.